tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-87770150065486663972024-03-12T18:24:33.421-07:00Fraternal Ideas on The HillThis blog is for the fraternity and sorority community at the University of San Diego. It is designed to share ideas and further develop our movement as a community.
Look for new posts every Wednesday!MandyWomackhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08615921496420262235noreply@blogger.comBlogger101125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8777015006548666397.post-13594565776381867892017-11-27T09:47:00.003-08:002017-11-27T20:02:54.594-08:00Closing Time<i>Travel with me in my time machine to 1998... It's Closing Time and the lyric, <b>"Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end." i</b>s being belted out.</i><br />
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On October 17th, my work world was upended. After months of work by our leadership team in Student Affairs, our new way of work began to be rolled out. In that new plan, effective January 1, 2018, I will be serving the USD community as the Assistant Dean of Students in the Office of Ethical Development and Restorative Practices. Student conduct, restorative justice and staff training and development will fill my days. And, for the first time in my professional career, I will not be working with Fraternity and Sorority Life.<br />
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So, it's <b><i>Closing Time</i></b> on this chapter. It is a bittersweet transition. I will greatly miss the program that I have created and managed for 22 years in what is now known as the SLIC (Student Leadership, Involvement and Changemaking) space. As I consider the work over the past three years, I am particularly touched by the team that surrounds me and the accomplishments we have achieved in Student Leadership and Engagement. While I will miss our daily interactions dearly, I have great confidence in their ability to continue the work that we have started.<br />
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I am filled with anticipation at what this next chapter will hold. At my house, we call it nervous-cited. I will be working alongside a dear friend and trusted colleague and will still be developing students into their very best selves. That, my friends, is my vocation and calling. I have grieved the loss, prepared for change, considered who moved my cheese, and am ready.<br />
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I hope that some that are reading this are former student leaders that have become friends. Through joy and pain, I have grown because of you. Some from my very first year, some that are current students and all of those years in between. Thank you for teaching me through your experience. Many of you I have documented over the years in this blog. The pain of losing a parent, the fear of a relationship ending, the joy of marriages and babies, the happiness of passing the Bar Exam, the realizations of who you really are and knowing that is enough.<br />
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<a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-HRbrLXAWkKY/WhxOrBedsaI/AAAAAAAABKw/97NPHgpofHAOVYC7skUopdnShjFolhuagCEwYBhgL/s1600/IMG_2121.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="160" data-original-width="160" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-HRbrLXAWkKY/WhxOrBedsaI/AAAAAAAABKw/97NPHgpofHAOVYC7skUopdnShjFolhuagCEwYBhgL/s1600/IMG_2121.JPG" /></a>Nearly a year ago, I travelled to Boston to accept the Robert H. Shaffer Award from the Association of Fraternity/Sorority Advisors. While I don't anticipate attending the Annual Meeting in my future position, I am overwhelmed with the memories of being engaged with such outstanding friends in the work of the fraternal movement. I would not be ready for this new challenge without all that I have learned from all of my colleagues over so many years. In preparing to write this post, I listened to my acceptance speech again. While a new speaking career has not emerged for me, I am mindful that we are not in a much better place today than we were a year ago. I continue to work toward change and fighting injustice. And, am thankful to have so many around me that are working alongside me. There is much to do, Friends. Much. Persist.<br />
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As my final post to Fraternal Ideas on The Hill comes to an end, I want to share what a wonderful ride it has been. It's <i style="font-weight: bold;">Closing Time</i>. And, time for a new beginning.<br />
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<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xGytDsqkQY8">https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xGytDsqkQY8</a></div>
<br />MandyWomackhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08615921496420262235noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8777015006548666397.post-83949376261625922922017-11-27T08:38:00.000-08:002017-11-27T08:38:03.427-08:00Shaffer Award Speech<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />MandyWomackhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08615921496420262235noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8777015006548666397.post-3138371091900883942016-12-12T07:35:00.001-08:002016-12-12T07:36:08.167-08:00AFA Annual Meeting & Shaffer AwardIn the most surreal kind of way, I was honored and celebrated last week in Boston. I was selected as the recipient of the Robert H. Shaffer Award by the Association of Fraternity/Sorority Advisors and attended the Annual Meeting to accept. It was so strange to be celebrating in the midst of what arguably could be considered the most sad, real and dark year of my nearly 44 year existence. Nonetheless, there I was - in Boston with my mom and many friends and colleagues - being celebrated. I am forever grateful to those that nominated me. I am indebted to my Fraternity, Kappa Alpha Theta, for celebrating and loving me well. I am thankful for an institution, University of San Diego, that has provided a career and vocation to me while also being patient with my faults. Some have asked for a copy of my remarks. As you read on, please understand that this was unlike any other speech I have given. The words came to me in two short 5 minute bursts over the course of two months. They were there, right on the surface, needing to be said. God bless.<br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;"><i>Thank you. I am humbled to be standing here
before you tonite. There are not words sufficient to express my appreciation to
those of you that contributed to my selection for this honor. I will begin with
thank you. It is meaningful to me that many in this grouping are former
students that have gone on to become outstanding professionals. I pray that
each of you, at some point in your career, are able to experience the joy and
fulfillment that I do when I consider you. I am thankful for the sacrifice of
Cynthia Avery, the Assistant Vice President at USD, and my mother<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>- the fantastic Patty – for travelling across
the country to be here tonite.<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;"><i>For my 40<sup>th</sup> birthday (Older than
AFA), a friend of mine gave me two books. The first was Tattoos On The Heart by Father Gregory Boyle. It is a narrative of
Father Boyle’s experience of living among and serving in inner-city Los
Angeles. Beginning Homeboy Industries – a gang intervention ministry is told
weaving in moments of faith alongside real life experience. He models a love
for the people and his investment in his community. I was struck by his honesty
in relaying both the systems that contribute to the gang-ridden environment,
but also the choices made by many that do not believe that they are worthy of
love. Such a different context than the community I serve at a private,
Catholic, predominately white and affluent institution that is less than 200
miles away. It resonated with the on-going work I have to do as a professional.<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;"><i>The second book was Dear Sugar, a collection of Cheryl Strayed’s online advice column
where she served as the anonymous wisdom dispenser known as Sugar. Each account
drew on what Strayed titles “Radical Empathy”. As I turned each page, I was
drawn in to what I wanted to be. What I wanted to teach. As I, well we, meet
with students, can we approach from a place of radical empathy? I considered
back on how I had spent the last 15 years of my career – the care and concern I
had for individuals and their development and the investment in a community. To
be honest, I spent the first 5 years really worrying about things like the
colors of recruitment shirts and Greek Week themes. I like to think that I have
made my undergraduate Advisor, Doug Case, proud with where I am now and that he
would forgive my start that majored in the things that didn’t really matter. Dear Sugar inspires me to live with
Radical Empathy and also lead from a place of vulnerability and authenticity.<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;"><i>I hope that this place is an entry point for
what I think we really need to be talking about. The same month that Lindsay
Sell called me to tell me that I had been selected for this honor, a man was
killed in the neighboring city to San Diego called El Cajon. Three miles from
my church, an unarmed black man was shot by the police. Alfred Olango’s shooting,
and subsequent death, moved Black Lives Matter into my every day conversation. It
moved it to a new place in my soul. I could no longer be the person upset, but
not acting on it. Black Lives Matter. It felt impossible to celebrate this
honor with the reality of what has been unfolding across our country for years and
now unfolding in my back yard. I regularly have moments to appreciate and
reflect on my privilege: as a white person, as cisgender, as educated, as
affluent… In many areas. I have sat with that reality through the season of
horrific injustices against people I love and care for deeply. As the election
season ramped up, I found myself struggling with how to celebrate this
acknowledgement while many in my circle have had their basic human rights
questioned. Can I celebrate our professional work without issuing a call to
action for all of us? Each of us needs to be for the other. We have the
opportunity to be safe havens for those that are struggling or feel
marginalized. We have the opportunity to teach the revolution to our students:
to encourage them to be engaged; to build activists that speak up and speak out
when they see injustice.<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;"><i>When we talk about the work we do, it is built
on a premise of belonging, being a part of something greater than just you. Can
we get to that place without developing an inherent sense of safety and
security among our members? The fraternity and sorority experience – and us as
professionals and volunteers in this experience – should be the starting point
for radical empathy and understanding. Fraternity and Sorority Life must set
the standard for people mattering in this world.<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;"><i>For years, I have heard colleagues talking
about how a fraternity house should be the safest place for a woman to be. We
have used that picture of safety in relation to sexual violence and rape. But,
my friends, it must be more that that. Our time is now. My friends of
privilege, we must use our voices. We must stand and be a champion for what is
right. We must support all of our students in changing a culture all around us.
This isn’t about Making America Great Again or acknowledging who was With Her.
This is about the day to day experience of some in this room. And, some in our
communities. The fear of a mother for what her child may face as a multi-racial
student. The fear of a partner for them running out to the store and
encountering what could be deadly prejudice. It is about those that tolerate
statements like All Lives Matter when we know that Kappernich kneeling isn’t
really the problem. It is fear of being told that your marriage is no longer
recognized. It is your religion and belief system being enough for others to
consider you being locked up.<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;"><i>Leadershape’s Daily Inspiration this week
included a quotation from Mahatma Gandhi. “The enemy is fear. We think it is
hate; but, it is fear.” I want us to be a courageous profession. I want those
shaping the experience of this next generation to be modeling bringing change
to our communities. With acknowledgement that I, too, am on this path of
learning and understanding, I challenge you to take up this moment. Have
transformational conversations and allow yourself to be transformed in the
process. Stay in the mess and discomfort. That space is where growth is born.<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;"><i>Again, thank you for this honor. May your year
be filled with the joy that comes from working in a vocation that is rich in
need and the conversations that are so essential.</i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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MandyWomackhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08615921496420262235noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8777015006548666397.post-20360097147017401192014-04-23T19:13:00.000-07:002014-04-23T19:13:44.380-07:00Wanted: Encouragers<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I saw this posted online today and it gave me a little chuckle. For, you see, I am not a natural Encourager. When I hire people, this is one of the subtle things that draws me to finalists - the ability to encourage others as a way of life. Don't get me wrong, I value Encouragement and Encouragers. A lot. It is just intentional work for ME to do it, and to do it well.</div>
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I prefer to live a life of optimism and joy. When I think of Critics, I think of those that never can have a "what if" thought. I think of those that always find the problem in a new idea. I also pause and consider more... I think of the realists that keep us grounded. I think of those that monitor budgets and risk management. More than I prefer, I think of me in my professional role. It is an easy default if I am not careful.</div>
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We are currently in the process of a comprehensive review of the Student Leadership and Involvement Center. We, along with several other areas, are looking at how we spend our time, our budget, our energy. In considering all of these factors, we are charged with coming up with new ways to do our work. In the midst of this process, I have had more than one person say to me, "Are you worried that at this time next year we will have 3 more Greek letter organizations on campus?" (I think the unspoken commentary is the assumption that it will be without additional staffing.) Well, yes. That makes me concerned, but it also makes me wonder... What could we do differently with 3 more organizations? How many more students could we get engaged on campus? What if we try it and see what happens!</div>
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When I think about the ideal role I play in our community, it is as an Encourager. Fraternity and Sorority Life already has plenty of Critics. Some of them are in our organizations. The ability to be an Encourager is an important role for me to play as I cheer you on and support the good work that you are each doing in your organizations. Sometimes when things go sideways and people get a little out of control, my role has to shift. But, at the heart, it really doesn't ever step away from being an Encourager. The role is grounded in Love, Care, Support, Authentic Behavior, Honesty - and those things all lead to positivity and progress.</div>
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So, what about you? Are you the member that is the Encourager? As your peers think of you, does support and kindness pop into their minds? Or, are you a part of the group that grouses about little decisions. Are you the Critic that (subtly) celebrates when things don't work? There are defaults that we each fall into. But, you can choose to fight that default and be something else. When you are tired, when you are discouraged, when you find yourself leaning toward the role of the Critic, just remind yourself that the world wants Encouragers. This is your charge. This is your calling. Encourage one another. Besides, we have a surplus of critics already.<br />
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MandyWomackhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08615921496420262235noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8777015006548666397.post-64108496751677004342014-04-08T21:38:00.000-07:002014-04-08T21:38:00.016-07:00Why Me?In my role at the University, I have had many opportunities to meet with, advise, mentor, and know students. Each of these descriptors is different. I would almost say that they build upon one another as relationships emerge between students and staff. To me, the most rewarding are the ones that make it to the end of the line. Those are the students that I keep up with beyond graduation. The ones that I enjoy watching experience life via Facebook and, often, in person for visits during Homecoming. There are many students that I can remember snapshot moments with - moments that were important and meaningful. Moments of meeting with outstanding people, advising them on powerful programs, and mentoring them toward leading change. I would not trade those moments away, as they define my vocation. Sometimes those moments are stand alone experiences, but sometimes they are a part of being known.<br />
<br />
I was having coffee with an alum recently and this topic came up. The question that they posed was, "why me?" Meaning, why did I choose to "know" them? Why did I choose to go beyond meeting, advising, and mentoring? The question completely caught me off guard. I stumbled my way through the answer in the moment, but have given it serious thought since that time. Why does a deeper connection happen in some relationships and not in others? You know what I mean, right? This is somewhat of a universal truth. Some people you just like more than others. This explains why people don't all have the same best friend. There are preferences and personalities at play. But, to me, this is different. This is about investment in someone, this is about caring for others intentionally. What I realized was that the question was framed incorrectly. This wasn't about me choosing someone. My answer is this - "Why you?" Because you let me.<br />
<br />
When I sat with you in my office, at that retreat, on the couches inside Tú Mercado, you let me see a part of you that is sometimes hidden. You cracked open the door to your depths and invited me in. Sometimes it was just a peek inside. Sometimes it was an invitation to see it all. In each of those <br />
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-GJvzZruHzjU/U0TKpenNDjI/AAAAAAAAAsM/fxiR8PReUXk/s1600/20090524_door_8815.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-GJvzZruHzjU/U0TKpenNDjI/AAAAAAAAAsM/fxiR8PReUXk/s1600/20090524_door_8815.jpg" height="133" width="200" /></a>moments, you made a choice. You let me see the real you. The highest of joys, the angst of frustration, the disappointment in circumstances. It was remarkable. It was an honor. It was a privilege to be able to know you.<br />
<br />
That is hard to walk away from. So, I feel an affinity for you and a care for your future. An investment to see you become the best partner, employee, parent, friend, supervisor that you can be. This continues after you leave, because when you crack open that door, you have changed me, too. It is my earnest hope that you, too, will experience the gift of knowing others.<br />
<br />
One year I had someone that I met with weekly, who was trying to decide if they wanted to be known, ask me, "How do you get people to tell you things?" I laughed a little and shared that it was pretty easy. Most of the time, people are desperate to tell someone about their experience. Being willing to slow down enough to ask the question and genuinely want to know the answer is usually all that it takes.<br />
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When my partner and I had our daughter, we made a commitment to do everything in our power to raise her to be aware of others. To see those around here and be engaged with them. From little things, like holding the door for someone, all the way to the largest social issues. Unknowingly, this has moved into my work, too. I hope the same for you. This is community. This is fraternity and sorority. This is brotherhood and sisterhood. This is us.<br />
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<br />MandyWomackhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08615921496420262235noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8777015006548666397.post-61322764515064063842014-01-08T19:40:00.001-08:002014-01-08T19:47:52.107-08:00Starting 2014 With ReflectionI'm Back!<br />
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It has been a while, friends. I didn't intend to take such a long break from writing. I knew it was time to begin again when everywhere I looked was something that promoted the thought, "I should write a piece about that for my blog."<br />
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January 6th was my anniversary of working at USD as a full time staff member. As I start what will be my 19th year, I have spent some time thinking about those that I have had the privilege of working with over all of these years. Some of these memories are of staff, some of students. All of people who have impacted me and made me a better professional, a better person. There is a beauty in being somewhere so long. A beauty in having lived the history of this fraternity and sorority community. A humbling time of realizing how much I didn't know when Carol hired me all those years ago, and knowing how much more there is to learn in 2014.<br />
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As we begin the New Year, I offer to you a few snapshots of my 18 years, and the lessons I have learned and re-learned.<br />
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A fraternity president who fought me every day of his tenure. Lied, yelled, deceived. And, then, called me about 5 years after his graduation to tell me that he was sorry. <i>It's never too late to do the right thing</i>.<br />
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A graduate assistant who jumped in with both feet with only her USD undergraduate experience. She and I together attended fraternity recruitment events so we could "understand". She stood by my side when the manager of a venue met us at the door of an event and asked if we were the strippers. My first 2 years would have been my last without her resilience, laughter, and perspective. <i>Work is always better with a partner.</i><br />
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An IFC President that returned from UIFI and told me that he understood and was going to change his chapter. And, that he wanted my help. <i>"It takes a village." is the only approach that will develop students into the best version of themselves.</i><br />
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A powerhouse president sitting on my couch and unexpectedly crying because she missed her mom. Knowing that all she needed to hear was, "me, too" and have me sit with her in her grief. <i>Even a powerhouse needs support.</i><br />
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Multiple former presidents, IFC/Panhellenic Exec, and student leaders coming back to USD<br />
to advise. <i>We give back to what we love.</i><br />
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Watching college sweethearts get married. Sitting in the lasting joy that started as giggles and notes at UGA. <i>You never know when something amazing will happen.</i><br />
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A Council officer that struggled with who they really were. The realization and gentle nudges to explore why they were over-involved, "having" to succeed, over-drinking. Watching them wholly realize who they were and embrace themselves, find a partner, find contentment. <i>There is often more at play than we ever get to see in the moment.</i><br />
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Two colleagues who knew I was I at capacity stepping in to support our community and attend the Greek Retreat when they knew I couldn't. Blind service with no preparation, but done with selflessness. <i>We all need help. None of us are alone</i><i>.</i><br />
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A Panhellenic President who advocated and networked for USD to add a culturally based sorority. Seeing persistence and work for the simple reason that it was the right thing to do. <i>Change often comes with great struggle and challenge.</i><br />
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Several that have been a part of my life going to to create and serve communities of their own. Watching them develop and find their style as they realize that few places are like USD. <i>There's no place like home.</i><br />
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A small group of alumni gathered at the Association of Fraternity/Sorority Advisors Annual Meeting this past December. As I sat and listened to them reminisce and re-tell stories, I was reminded of the greatest lesson of all: It is an honor to walk through life with people as they learn and grow.<br />
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Cheers to 2014!<br />
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<br />MandyWomackhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08615921496420262235noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8777015006548666397.post-82741275221976347022013-10-16T20:17:00.003-07:002013-10-16T20:18:11.078-07:00The Voice of an Alumna<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<i>This week's post comes from an alumna that always makes me smile and filled my days with laughter during her tenure at USD. Parisa is a small woman with a powerful voice that she continues to use to make the world a better place. What a gift that she was willing to share her thoughts on "What did being a sorority member teach you?" I hope you enjoy her story as much as I did - both in living it and reading </i><i>it now. Cheers!</i><br />
<br />
<i><br /></i>
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-_1q_8mqiTYc/Ul9WKDXLo-I/AAAAAAAAArU/lTsgqKCnoDc/s1600/Unknown.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="134" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-_1q_8mqiTYc/Ul9WKDXLo-I/AAAAAAAAArU/lTsgqKCnoDc/s200/Unknown.jpeg" width="200" /></a> Ever since
watching Legally Blonde as a young girl I knew I wanted to follow Elle’s
footsteps and become President of my sorority then go on to law school. I
actually did accomplish both goals. During formal recruitment freshman year at
USD I fell in love with Alpha Phi; the members, the philanthropy and of course
their fabulous room decorations and songs. Funny thing looking back now that I
am attending law school in New Orleans, one of the days of recruitment the
Alpha Phis were dressed in Mardi Gras colors. Even my Alpha Phi days were
foreshadowing my eventual move to Louisiana. <o:p></o:p></div>
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From the
beginning I became involved in everything I could. Fall of my junior year I
went abroad to Florence, Italy. As much as I enjoyed the food, the culture, the
travelling around and the fact that I was living in Europe for four months, I
missed the sense of belonging and community that Alpha Phi had provided for me.
It was then that my decision to run for President became definite. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Being
President of a sorority is a challenging yet rewarding job. Actually it’s a
cross between a job and being a mother type figure (kind of like Dorota in
Gossip Girl-I really hope I’m not too old that making Gossip Girl references
has become irrelevant). Not only are you managing the Executive board, overseeing
the other officers, and looking out for the well-being and morale of the
general chapter, you also are on call at all hours of the day and night in case
someone needs you. If a chapter member gets sick during an event you are the
one responsible to pick her up from detox. If a member needs someone to confide
in with an issue that they aren’t ready to open up to their friends about yet,
you are the one there for her. If a member needs a place to crash at the beach
for the night, you are there for her. The list is ongoing and no matter how
much you want to go back to bed when you get that 3 AM phone call from a
chapter member, you are the first to be there for her. In addition not only are you responsible to
your own chapter, but you also need to check in with the chapter advisors, the USD
Greek advisor (the wonderful Mandy Womack who served as my personal therapist
during my year as President), and the Alpha Phi International office. It was a year
of growing up. I as a 21-year-old individual was responsible for the lives of
all of these young women. If I did not fully execute my responsibilities I
would personally be held liable as well as the sorority itself. <o:p></o:p></div>
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I met so
many people and made so many friends who are still important in my life within
the chapter and outside the chapter. One of the most proud moments of my life
was the day at the Alpha Phi International Conference where I was handed the
Eta Rho flag and lined up to walk into the room where the International President,
board members, and the incredible woman who had memorized the ENTIRE initiation
ritual were waiting. I couldn’t believe that I was there representing my
chapter among all these other women who had accomplished so much. Sisterhood is
not just within your own chapter; sisterhood expands to every woman who knows
that secret handshake and that secret password. It also extends to other
Greeks. It is a special and unique bond that you simply cannot describe to a
non-Greek member. Just last weekend I was at a sorority sister’s wedding and
could not stop talking to Jenna, who is a new chapter advisor about what is
going on in the chapter and who is planning on running for which position in
the upcoming election. Her saint like non-Greek fiancé stood there and gave his
input as well, showing that Alpha Phi becomes a lifestyle for all of those
close to you in your life. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Joining
Alpha Phi was the absolute best decision of my life I have ever made. Being an
Alpha Phi was not just my four years of undergrad, it is now and forever a part
of me. I know that today I am a better, stronger, well rounded, and more
responsible woman because of the lessons Alpha Phi taught me from being a
better listener to giving back to the community. I will always cherish each and
every memory I made during those four magical years and continue to live out
the ideals Alpha Phi instilled in me. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<!--EndFragment-->MandyWomackhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08615921496420262235noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8777015006548666397.post-64343051663096579722013-10-09T09:56:00.000-07:002013-10-09T09:56:24.441-07:00The Voice of an Alumnus<span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: separate; border-spacing: 0px; font-family: Calibri;"></span><br />
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<i>This weekend, we welcome back alumni and alumnae from USD to Homecoming. As I look back on my 18 years of serving this community, there are many alums that come to mind as I consider the work of making men and women "better" through the fraternity/sorority experience. I have invited a few of them to share about their experience. The first is an alumnus that I met during my first few years as a Greek Advisor. I have since had the pleasure of watching him circle back to USD as an advisor. Geno brought a sense of kindness and laughter to every group he led as an undergraduate... His reflection certainly matches my memory of his tenure at USD. Delt was, for him, a place to belong and grow as a leader. For that, I am proud.</i></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Without a doubt, my decision to go Greek shaped who I am today. As a freshman at USD, I encountered a </span><span style="font-family: inherit;">lot of new experiences, both good and bad. Like most people my age, I was looking for something to enhance my college experience (parties, a sense of brotherhood, and opportunities to socialize with the fairer sex). At the same time, I also wanted to join something where I could be myself and have a sense of belonging. Obviously, I got much more than what I was initially looking for. </span></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-bNJ1o5YAtlU/UlWHRREoM5I/AAAAAAAAArE/YI6vy2o34F4/s1600/images.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="190" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-bNJ1o5YAtlU/UlWHRREoM5I/AAAAAAAAArE/YI6vy2o34F4/s200/images.jpeg" width="200" /></a><span style="font-family: inherit;">I joined Delta Tau Delta as a sophomore and right away, I felt empowered to contribute something right </span><span style="font-family: inherit;">away. I held a variety of positions within the chapter and on IFC, as I really enjoyed ALL aspects of Greek life. Looking at my overall experience as a Delt, I met people I probably wouldn’t have ever met anywhere else or even be friends with had we not shared the bond of being brothers. However, the uniqueness of my chapter allowed me to be associated with men from all walks of life (different social backgrounds, military experience, ethnicities, and even sexual orientation). Being part of a Greek organization is not always a rose garden, as there are hurdles to overcome when working with a group of 30 odd college age males. Dealing with different personalities, working with people from different organizations, and compromising for the greater good, were all obstacles I encountered. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Greek life is truly a "get out what you put in" type of experience, and my involvement in my chapter gave me an invaluable lesson in organizational leadership. It allowed me to work for my chapter’s national headquarters after graduation and also assist me with my job search. Networking is key to all aspects of your professional life and my Greek experience gave me a head start in networking. Years later, I continue to apply all these lessons to my current job. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">My Greek experience continues to have a lasting impact on my life. Some of my best friends today are Delts. I married of my fraternity brothers’ sister (an ADPi from USC). Living in San Diego, we both volunteered as advisors to our respective chapters at USD. And joyfully, my wife and I have two Delt legacies. When it comes time to talk to my sons about college and Greek life, I will of course tell them to check out the Delts. But most importantly, I will stress to them that should they decide to go Greek, they need to find a group of men that they are most comfortable with and will offer them the best experience not only during their time in college but afterwards.</span><br />
MandyWomackhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08615921496420262235noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8777015006548666397.post-41243674797552549532013-10-02T22:09:00.003-07:002013-10-02T22:09:47.596-07:00Natural ConsequencesJuly 2013 brought a sad lesson to the Womack home. The teen Womack, while visiting her Grandmother, lost her 2 week old retainer. Newly freed teeth from the confines of braces were suddenly without the orthodontist's only "rule" - wear this retainer unless you are eating. She sent me a panicky text, knowing it was a big deal. I then called the orthodontist and found out that there was <br />
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-DLbgxXBMnLA/Ukz0zcl-U9I/AAAAAAAAApg/uMmoM-Jy3WA/s1600/images.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="149" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-DLbgxXBMnLA/Ukz0zcl-U9I/AAAAAAAAApg/uMmoM-Jy3WA/s200/images.jpeg" width="200" /></a>nothing to be done on a Thursday afternoon when the patient was in Orange County. Further, they were closed on Friday and would not be able to see her until Monday. I explained that Meg was scheduled to be out of town for a week serving as a camp counselor. After conferral with the doctor, the decision was made - Monday appointment it was!<br />
<br />
Unfortunately, going to camp late was not an option. Meg had to cancel her plans and miss the week of serving as a counselor. She was disappointed. But, in fairness, she wasn't angry. With the newly freed teeth, she had to have the retainer. Not going to camp was a natural consequence of her leaving it on a napkin in a restaurant. The nicest part, from a parent perspective, was that there was no need to talk it through or punish the behavior - she got it. Her actions had a direct consequence.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-WYuDnMDFZ78/Ukz6maEVDFI/AAAAAAAAAp0/1l0yT_gAdtU/s1600/Denton-criminal-attorney-lawyer-denton-lewisville-flower_mound-ticket_attorney-denton-252x216.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="171" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-WYuDnMDFZ78/Ukz6maEVDFI/AAAAAAAAAp0/1l0yT_gAdtU/s200/Denton-criminal-attorney-lawyer-denton-lewisville-flower_mound-ticket_attorney-denton-252x216.jpg" width="200" /></a>The last two weekends have brought a similar fate to some of our community. Some of our organizations have found the buses that are picking up and dropping off in Mission from registered <br />
social events are being greeted by SDPD. The overnight parking lot has been filled with more than a few citations for Minor in Consumption/Minor in Possession as our members are travelled to and fro in a variety of costumes. These citations require an appearance in court and some significant financial cost. The response from our community has been interesting to watch.<br />
<br />
This week alone, three different staff or student leaders have told me that they heard that I was calling SDPD to alert them to the bus locations and times. (Side note: Not true for anyone working at USD.) Several student leaders have been indignant that the police department were infringing upon their rights and demanded something be done about it. One idea has included having an attorney present. The chapter advisors group gathered this week and we discussed the citations issued over the past two weekends. After hearing it all, the response was that this was a natural consequence. If students choose to drink underage, it is a risk. It is illegal to consume alcohol under the age of 21, and while we focus a lot of our energy on educating our members on responsible drinking, it is breaking the law. So, another lesson of natural consequences - if you chose to drink underage, you also have to find yourself in a place where if you get a citation you are disappointed, but not angry.<br />
<br />
As you read and think through this, I would like to leave you with another Womack home truth... "Don't blame other people for your problems." Works for the teen, works for our community.<br />
<br />
<br />MandyWomackhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08615921496420262235noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8777015006548666397.post-47292743926771738602013-09-18T20:30:00.000-07:002013-09-18T20:30:56.763-07:00Liar, Liar! Pants on Fire!Wasn't life easier when we played by playground rules and when someone told a big, fat lie we just screamed, "Liar, liar! Pants on fire!"?<br />
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<br />
Life has become so much more complex.<br />
<br />
This is an area of growing discussion around the Womack house. It seems that the youngest of my offspring has discovered one of life's universal truths: If you are trustworthy, it is easy to lie and get away with it. She has also realized another important fact: When you are caught telling a lie, no one trusts you to tell the truth in the future. Imagine a peaceful Saturday morning. The sun has just come up and a sweet little voice is inches from my face as I sleep in my bed. I hear, "Mom, can I watch TV?" I am instantly awake. Not so much from the noise, but from the overwhelming scent of chocolate that has invaded my personal space. "Little one, why are you eating chocolate so early and without permission?" The response, "I'm not." We recently had the two small boys of our dear friends over for an afternoon. One came racing around the corner following a visit to the bathroom. "Did you wash your hands?" The response, "Yup, Ms. Mandy." When I asked to see his hands, he hightailed it right back into the sink. In both of these relationships, I now look twice. I know that Z sneaks candy and I know that A doesn't like to wash his hands. I am sure both had previously done both things... probably many times.<br />
<br />
It is a problem that plagues the best (and most innocent) among us. And, well, those that are not quite so young and innocent.<br />
<br />
I encountered several moments this week around this topic and, trust me, it is complex. It is a complex, tangled mess. I share with you this fact about me, but in a non self-righteous way: I very rarely lie. I have MANY bad habits, but lying is not one of them. Early on I learned that if you don't want to say the answer to something, you just tell the person, "I am not comfortable/ready/wanting to talk about that." I find that it is so much easier than creating a habit that requires me to remember who I told what to when. The moments of this week involved some of those direct choices to tell the truth or lie, but also several were more subtle. They were the lies that involve the omission of facts. You know the scenario I mean, right? Answers to questions that are not false, but also not the entire story. Some days I feel like conversations are a treasure map and that if I find enough clues I can get to what I am seeking.<br />
<br />
We are organizations built on values like truth, honor, and integrity. How do we hold the reality of our world with the reality of what we pledged to uphold at initiation? As we grow as a community, can we challenge ourselves to grow individually? Perhaps it is around big issues, or perhaps it is around smaller things. Either way, challenge yourself to not lie the next time someone asks a question you don't want to answer. Don't allow yourself to be sucked into the world of pretending things are bigger and better than what you are. You were selected to join your organization because they liked YOU for who YOU ARE.<br />
<br />
And, I may just try to bring back the "Pants on fire!" taunt if I catch you. ;)<br />
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<br />MandyWomackhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08615921496420262235noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8777015006548666397.post-66686781886888024052013-09-11T20:20:00.001-07:002013-09-11T20:44:42.398-07:00Bumper Sticker Living<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
This is a glorious picture that I found with a quick Google search. There is a car that parks on one of the main streets in my neighborhood that has a similar look. I wish I was bold enough to pull over and take a high quality picture. Each time I see it, I have the same reaction to the image below, "Wow - this person has a lot to express." As I take in this image, there are messages of being fiscally conservative, images of women in the American flag, an outline of our country filled with a rainbow flag, a message to keep abortion legal, a commitment to music, a few shout outs to spirituality and science... Whoa. That is a lot as you are driving your truck around town. </div>
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<br />
I believe it was during my partner's tenure as a Seminary student that we pulled up to the light at Garnet in PB behind a car with a bumper sticker that read, "Libraries Change Lives". He started laughing and asked if I thought that he should change his graduate work to being a librarian. Cheeky. What a powerful statement that fit on such a little sticker. Really - this person had a strong opinion. They were passionate enough to find/receive a bumper sticker and then take the time to actually apply it to their car. All I know about them is this statement. The whole thing got me thinking... Are we more than Bumper Sticker Living? Or, is our entire world view opinion summed up in a clever statement that we put out to others? Two main concepts trouble me about this phenomenon.<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: left;">
<b>Bumper Sticker Living does not invite explanation or rationale. </b>Do we interact in a world where our total sentiment is expressed in a sentence and possibly a graphic? Where cliches are the go-to for explaining complex and deep issues? When we wear a shirt, make a Facebook post, tweet at someone - these allow others to make leaps and decisions based on how they interpret us. If I follow that train of logic, I end up not really being able to full share my thoughts or opinions. Bumper sticker living keeps us from sharing, but also from hearing others.<br />
<br />
Which brings me to #2 - <b>Bumper Sticker Living limits our action.</b> As we talk about leadership, we often/always talk about change. If I am communicating with others via sound bytes, how can we ever collaborate and develop a sense of commonality that brings change. I was talking with a student today about the difference between sympathy (I feel bad for you), empathy (I feel bad with you), and compassion (I feel called to action). I know that we, as a Fraternity and Sorority Community, can embrace the approach of compassion - it just requires more than Bumper Sticker Living.<br />
<br />
As I close out today, I am mindful of all that has changed in our world since September 11, 2001. I know that you all have a lot to say - just like my neighbor and their car. As we remember those that sacrificed and were killed 12 years ago, I hope that we embrace our freedom to create a world that stops at what fits on a bumper sticker. </div>
MandyWomackhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08615921496420262235noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8777015006548666397.post-8987713639683323082013-09-05T08:58:00.001-07:002013-09-05T09:03:51.747-07:00The Foil<span style="color: #262626; font-family: inherit;">Yesterday
was the first day of classes here at USD for the Fall semester. (Hence my delay
in posting for this week.) I spent much of the day greeting students who were
excited to be back in this element. Pleased to see their friends after a summer
away. Eager for what this next term holds. I, too, was filled with a sense of
energy and excitement as we officially "opened" another year at USD.
Just before 11am, I was reminded of a concept I had considered the week
before - the concept of a foil.</span><br />
<h1 class="txt-hdr-pg" style="border: 0px; font: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 20px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
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<b style="font-family: inherit;"><i><span style="color: #262626;">Definition
of Foil: </span></i></b><i style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: #262626;">A foil is
generally a character whose traits emphasize the strengths of another
character, usually the protagonist. For example, the often short-sighted
opinions of Dr. Watson emphasize the brilliance of Sherlock Holmes. Less usual is a plot foil, a subplot that contrasts
with the main plot and brings it into sharper focus. The light-hearted romance
between Nerissa and Gratiano in The Merchant of Venice highlights the
more serious courtship of Portia and Bassanio. The term "foil" comes
from the practice of placing a piece of metallic foil under a gemstone to make
it appear to shine more. (chegg.com)</span></i></div>
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<span style="color: #262626;">Just as I was walking into my 11am meeting, my partner called my cell phone. Since this is not a typical thing, I paused outside the door of my meeting to answer. He had just finished a pastoral visit with our friends. He was letting me know that within 24 hours, our friend would be going into surgery to remove a baseball size brain tumor that was unknown to anyone just 36 hours earlier. Sadness, fear, grief all gripped me in that moment. A foil to all of the excitement and light around me.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #262626;">Last week, I received a call from a friend who is volunteering with a suicide crisis hotline. </span><span style="color: #262626;">There had been a particularly difficult call. A variety of emotions were competing for attention - sadness, empathy, compassion, pride and happiness. The outcome was a foil to the knowledge that my friend had done good work, said the right things, and was resting in the reality that there was not more that a person could do.</span></h1>
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This concept is where I rest this week. Where does the bad sharpen the image of the good? Does it make it sweeter, sharper, more real? Does all that is around you draw out your strengths as a leader? As we seek to bring change to the world, does our passion and intensity contrast the complacency of others? </h1>
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<i style="font-weight: bold;">As we engage the world around us, I wholeheartedly believe - YES!</i> As we celebrate together, we also prepare for discourse. As we work to grow and learn, we may argue and grow frustrated. That is our foil as organizations. As individuals, you may be elected to the position you have dreamed of while your parents announce a divorce. You achieve a 4.0 only to discover betrayal from a loved one. This is the foil of individuals. But, we are here together to reflect that greater light... The "<i style="color: #333333; font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: #262626;">practice of placing a piece of metallic foil under a gemstone to make it appear to shine more."</span></i></h1>
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Blessings to you all, my friends, as we begin a semester together.</div>
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MandyWomackhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08615921496420262235noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8777015006548666397.post-65750894400180662662013-08-28T10:50:00.000-07:002013-08-28T10:54:52.579-07:00Celebrating Your Craft<span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: separate; border-spacing: 0px; font-family: Consolas;"></span><br />
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There is a moment of perfect peace that overcomes me when I am in the presence of someone who is excellent at their craft (skilled work, product, talent). Yesterday brought the completion of a 2 day training for Emerging Leader course Instructors. At the suggestion of a colleague, a person I didn't know was secured to train the group on the process of facilitation. Grace was outstanding. An intriguing mix of gentle and authoritative; open to possibilities and directed. Watching her deliver her session was a moment of perfect peace. She is excellent at her craft and it was a pleasure to experience it.</div>
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-UrvEe3oDeUM/Uh4tRTE9PdI/AAAAAAAAAow/wZCFC10xY5o/s1600/2012-olympic-gold-medal-e1343936400127.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-UrvEe3oDeUM/Uh4tRTE9PdI/AAAAAAAAAow/wZCFC10xY5o/s200/2012-olympic-gold-medal-e1343936400127.jpg" width="200" /></a>I have always had a "wish" to be truly excellent at something. (I am sure someone can analyze my first-born, hyper-achieving statement...) Don't get me wrong, I am good (some days great) at a lot of things. But, I mean truly excellent. When I watch a professional athlete this often comes to mind for me. What would it be like to win a gold medal? Be the winner of Wimbledon? And, I will continue to wonder since I was the only junior on the frosh/soph tennis team at my high school. (Don't feel too bad for me, I was promoted to JV for my senior year...) While I have not achieved a gold medal (or even a trophy), I have learned a few tricks over the years from watching others.</div>
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<b>1. Excellence in your craft comes from hard work.</b> Years ago a family friend married a professional athlete. I was blown away by how many hours were spent not only practicing, but studying old recordings of races and developing new strategies. I suppose my assumption was that after winning a gold medal, that kind of intensity could slow down. The same is true for student leaders. Your fraternity isn't going to stay or become excellent if you sit back and rest. Hard work is essential for developing your sisterhood, your philanthropy event, your recruitment.</div>
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<b>2. People who are at the top of their craft have others that inspire them. </b>I have said many times that I am least satisfied/most worried when I am the smartest/most creative/funniest person in the room. Part of being great is recognizing others in that arena. For some this may be in the form of a competitor (Who will be Greek Man of the Year?), for others it is a person that you aspire to become more like (Get to know your chapter advisor!). As leaders, we have to surround ourselves with others that are better than we are. This is how we hone and refine our craft.</div>
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<b>3. Those that are the best recognize that there is more to life than their craft.</b> I didn't have a chance to talk to Grace after her presentation, but I would imagine that being an excellent teacher and presenter is not what she uses to define herself. My friend who is an Olympian knows and lives in a way that demonstrates that his family is the most important thing in his life. Finding something that you can excel in is powerful. But, knowing who you are and why you matter is an entirely different topic. The same is true for you as a leader.</div>
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So, I leave you with this for consideration: Develop your craft. Know that I am cheering you on as you strive and achieve. And, in honor of "the speech that changed a nation" that was delivered 50 years ago today, reflect on this thought...</div>
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<i><b><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px; text-align: left;">“If I cannot do great things, </span></b></i></div>
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<i><b><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px; text-align: left;">I can do small things in a great way”</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px; text-align: left;"> </span></b></i></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #181818; font-family: georgia, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px; text-align: left;"><i>― <a href="http://www.goodreads.com/author/show/23924.Martin_Luther_King_Jr_" style="color: #666600; text-decoration: none;">Martin Luther King Jr.</a></i></span></div>
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MandyWomackhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08615921496420262235noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8777015006548666397.post-47367391576930143012013-08-14T19:45:00.004-07:002013-08-14T19:48:40.083-07:00Good Enough<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Come see this beauty in SLP 301!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="color: blue;">"And, I think that's good enough!"</span> Those were the words that passed my lips as I randomly drove three <br />
nails into my office wall to re-hang the 8x10 pictures of my family. Last year when I created the collage, I spent over an hour getting them to align in a perfect square with the exact distance between each of the four frames. The truth of it all - that hour would have been better spent elsewhere.<br />
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Yesterday, I sat in a meeting with some of the most engaging and competent professionals I have ever known. We spent about 10 minutes discussing in (excruciating) detail a prize giveaway for an event. When we hit the 10 minute mark, I couldn't contain myself any longer. The statement, "I think we have spent enough energy on this." may or may not have come out of my mouth.<br />
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So, my message to you today is this... <span style="color: blue;">Know what things in your life are fine to be "good enough". </span>So much time and energy is spent getting little things that don't really matter to be just right. What if we spent time on the things that really matter? Over the course of my <i>many</i> years, here are a few gauges I have developed to discern what can be left at <span style="color: blue;">good enough</span>.<br />
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<ul>
<li><span style="color: blue;">Will anyone else notice or care? </span>I am brave enough to admit that I often am concerned with things that other people really don't care about. As people, we tend to be a little self-obsessed. (Myself included!) I remember the day that I wore navy blue shoes with an all black outfit. I had two pair that were the same style. When I got to work and realized it, I didn't have time to go home. Do you know who noticed? NO ONE. Did it matter to me? Sure. Did anyone else care, much less notice? Nope.</li>
<li><span style="color: blue;">What will happen if this isn't perfect?</span> I mean this sincerely... What will happen? Anything life threatening? Catastrophic? There are some things that we do that really do matter if they are on point (risk management comes to mind...), but many other things are really just not that important. We, as leaders, put that pressure on ourselves. When perfection is our standard, it becomes hard to prioritize the things competing for your attention. We should always strive for excellence, but asking this question is a good measure of what can be left at good enough.</li>
<li><span style="color: blue;">Will this matter in 5 years, 5 weeks, 5 minutes? </span>This is a Howard Lee special... Goodness I miss that man and the wisdom that only a father can bring. This question was posed throughout my childhood at every turn. It often got an eye roll response from me, but it is good for perspective. Will it really matter? To whom? For how long?</li>
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Cheers to you all as you enjoy these last few weeks of summer!MandyWomackhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08615921496420262235noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8777015006548666397.post-24576712210552380192013-07-31T17:48:00.004-07:002013-07-31T17:50:17.407-07:00For the First Time<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-6cZas_hwJlQ/UfmsnjutH8I/AAAAAAAAAoI/U-1UfgtRmWU/s1600/Unknown.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="149" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-6cZas_hwJlQ/UfmsnjutH8I/AAAAAAAAAoI/U-1UfgtRmWU/s200/Unknown.jpeg" width="200" /></a>Anyone watching Suits on the USA Network? Good, mindless fun. Last week, the episode found an <br />
Associate at the law firm in conversation with a Partner talking about a classic movie that he hadn't seen. Louis looks at him and boldly states,<i><b> "You're lucky. You get to see it for the first time."</b></i><br />
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Isn't that so true. Really great movies can move us in remarkable ways. (Last week's post was about that kind of movie.) You know that moment where you are certain that you have to drag someone else there so you can watch them experience it. I had a similar moment the first time I took my oldest daughter to Disneyland. There is something about fresh eyes seeing something.<br />
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A new semester is upon us. Soon hundreds of new freshmen and transfers will join our community. As I consider all that they will experience during their first year as Toreros and their introduction to fraternity and sorority life, I have the same feeling as Louis and want to say to them, "You're lucky. You get to see it for the first time." Recruitment events, learning about new friends, developing the bond of brotherhood, learning the secret rituals of sorority, seeing for the first time what a family away from your family can be.<br />
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I joined my sorority 2 weeks before my first semester began. I went through the formal recruitment process, was matched and then headed home to pack up everything. That week at home was good for me. It was a chance to think about all of the people I had met during the process. Honestly, it filled me with a sense of wonder. I was excited for all that was to come when I returned to campus as a freshmen. Finding my classes, learning to navigate the book stacks and find my texts in the bookstore, and figuring out the rhythm of a new roommate that I did not know. These were all firsts that I encountered. Deeper than that, though, was learning what it meant to be in a sorority. Knowing that the friends I made in my new member class were women that I would live with and spent much of my time with for the next 4 years. I remember coming back my sophomore, junior and senior year - the excitement was there, too, but it was for the familiar. There is something ever so special about that first moment.<br />
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I often teach a section of the Emerging Leaders course in the fall. We start the first day off with introductions and then I ask, "How many of you are experiencing your first college class right now?" I know, corny. But, there are always a handful that raise their hand. For them, I invite the class to pause. I ask them to look around, take in the classroom, look who is seated in here, and breathe deep. I share with them that, "Never again will you have this moment of starting college. This is a marker moment. One to remember. Take it in and hold onto that feeling." Because they are freshmen and a little uncertain, they all do it. But, there is always at least one who "gets it". They get a little twinkle in their eye and smile. They are the luckiest ones. They understand that they are experiencing it for the first time.</div>
MandyWomackhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08615921496420262235noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8777015006548666397.post-75552109161715186582013-07-24T16:21:00.001-07:002013-07-24T16:40:58.570-07:00Becoming You: Final Edition & What You Deserve<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-mnzCd7FUY1Q/UeI97ugFQCI/AAAAAAAAAms/dEonY0tR1G8/s1600/images.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-mnzCd7FUY1Q/UeI97ugFQCI/AAAAAAAAAms/dEonY0tR1G8/s1600/images.jpeg" /></a>Last year, I read <i>The Perks of Being a Wallflower</i>. Someone had seen the movie and loved it, and since my movie going opportunities are limited, I opted for the book. It was a powerful read and a moving coming of age story about three friends and their search for meaning. On my vacation this summer, I finally saw the film. I had to pause it several times to stop and take notes on what was being said. I really would recommend either medium - it is a story of love, adventure, despair, loneliness, betrayal and acceptance. I loved it. It was real, it was raw, and it was painful to watch at times. The dialogue that stood out to me the most was an interaction between Charlie and his teacher. As a freshman in high school trying to figure it all out, he asks one of the few people who has invested in him for some perspective.<br />
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<i>Mr. Anderson: "<span style="color: blue;">We accept the love we think we deserve.</span>"</i></div>
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<i>Charlie: "Can we make them know that they deserve more?"</i></div>
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<i>Mr. Anderson: "We can try."</i></div>
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<span style="color: blue;">So, my final question as you are Becoming You is: "Have you thought about what you deserve?"</span><br />
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I see this tying a lot into last week's post. Really, a soul searching question of worth. If we follow the English teacher's logic, are you accepting love? As I consider what I hear and see among you from my seat as your advisor, two things from the movie/book come to mind.<br />
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<b>1. Does "finding yourself" mean changing?</b><br />
Not necessarily. There are so many messages of who you are supposed to be, what you are supposed to own, who you are supposed to admire. Finding your place in all of that is difficult. Some of you joined your organization because you have sisters at home that you miss and thought this would be a good substitute while away at college. Some of you joined your fraternity thinking that this would finally be a place where you can have brothers who care about you. Both are valid, neither needs changing. As the movie comes to a close, Charlie shares this sentiment - "My doctor said we can't choose where we come from, but we can choose where we go from there." For some of us that means change, but for some it does not.<br />
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<b>2. Is what I "deserve" now the same as what I hope for in the future?</b><br />
So here's the thing... We practice for what we ultimately want in life. We set the boundaries for who loves us, how we are treated, and respect. Every single thing that we do impacts the person we are and the person we are becoming. This is why our organizations are based on values. Think about the last time you were at initiation. Those powerful words you heard were a call to action. If you chose to strive for less than that, you are cheating yourself. But, maybe you don't feel like you are there. Is there a question of, "how can I pledge loyalty to others when I gossip about my brothers/sisters?" Maybe it's not even that profound, maybe it's closer to, "how can we be about brotherhood when I've never felt more alone?" There are questions for some of you about whether or not you deserve the love you are offered. Let me be sure to be really clear - <span style="color: blue;">You Deserve It All</span>.<br />
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Over the years I have had students that I could tell just didn't understand why I would care for them, their well-being, their health. They spent some of their energy trying to figure out if they deserved my care and if they wanted to accept it. In a strange parallel it was a lot like my kids. From time to time (ok, often), my kids will push boundaries. They are testing to see how mean, how negative, how grumpy they can be and still have me love them. They need to be assured that they deserve it. We assure and love them. They accept my love because they know that they deserve it, that they are worthy beings made in the image of God - imperfect, yet loved. This is how our organizations should operate. And, just like Charlie's teacher - we, here at USD, can continue to try to make you know that you deserve it all.<br />
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I suppose this isn't really the "final edition", just all that I have planned at this point. I challenge you to spend some time this summer thinking about who you are becoming. It is one of my greatest privileges to be able to walk beside you as you discover that path.<br />
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<span style="color: blue;">"And in this moment, I swear, we are infinite." (<i>The Perks of Being a Wallflower)</i></span></div>
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<br />MandyWomackhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08615921496420262235noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8777015006548666397.post-35031734647530546132013-07-17T17:14:00.002-07:002013-07-20T13:34:34.657-07:00Becoming You, Round 2
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<!--StartFragment-->
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-148d4lq-XZE/Uerzu4C7akI/AAAAAAAAAn0/PRd5ZyQ072Q/s1600/Unknown.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-148d4lq-XZE/Uerzu4C7akI/AAAAAAAAAn0/PRd5ZyQ072Q/s200/Unknown.jpeg" width="132" /></a><span style="font-family: Arial;">The
process of Becoming You involves an increased awareness of the world around
you. Last fall, the Student Leadership and Involvement Center staff took on the
read, </span><i style="font-family: Arial;">Unhooked</i><span style="font-family: Arial;">. Each week we gathered to discuss the book, but also to
discuss what we were seeing around us. It was no real surprise to identify that
the "hook up culture" is alive and well. As organizations, we are a
part of this culture. More than the "hook up culture", though, was
the thoughtful discussion that much of our community lives in a way that is
unhooked.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-language: JA;"> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-language: JA;">Being
unhooked is more than hooking up. According to this author, it is the ability
to disengage and walk away from close, intimate relationships with no effect.
In her interviews with students she heard what I often hear from you. I hear
the need to be desired and the need to feel close to someone. These things,
when coupled with an emotional distance create a sense of "disposable
intimacy".<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-language: JA;">This
brings me to the question for this week...<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-language: JA;">2.
Is who you are becoming hindered by your participation in this culture? As you
Become You, are you unhooked?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-1zqsb_30Le8/Uerz73zN_7I/AAAAAAAAAn4/xT9NDFXKy9U/s1600/images-2.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="112" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-1zqsb_30Le8/Uerz73zN_7I/AAAAAAAAAn4/xT9NDFXKy9U/s200/images-2.jpeg" width="200" /></a><span style="font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-language: JA;">Interesting
to me was that one indicator of being unhooked was the inability to articulate
what 'hooking up' means. Maybe think on that some. One of her most powerful
stories is of the internal desire to have something temporary mean something
more significant. We all have a need inside of us to feel connected and have a
sense of intimacy with others. Many today meet that need by hooking up. Since
the mental approach is, "this doesn't mean anything", the mind tries
to stay there. As you are becoming you, you may discover that it, "(sex)
always has meaning, even when it is meaningless." (pp 283) I see too many
of you seeking more, but not finding it. And, according to this author, it
isn't about less sex, it is about more love.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-language: JA;">As
you seek this process of Becoming You, I encourage you to consider it all from
a new lens. Consider the role alcohol plays in your relationships? Does
drinking numb you to feel ok about being unhooked? Is there an overlap of hook
up partners among your friends? Is this who you are? Is this who you want to
be?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial; mso-fareast-language: JA;">You
are worthy of more.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<!--EndFragment-->MandyWomackhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08615921496420262235noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8777015006548666397.post-43011329938584928692013-07-10T22:19:00.001-07:002013-07-10T22:39:32.009-07:00Becoming You<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Twice in the past week, I have been in conversation with people around the idea of "finding yourself". That phrase always makes me uneasy, but the concept and process is a good one. My graduate work was in Counseling and I have a natural draw to topics like defining <span style="color: blue;">who you are and what you are becoming</span>. For the past few years a lot of my reading and study has been around the topic of masculinity. In working with fraternities, and fraternity men specifically, I hear a lot of confusion and question about <span style="color: blue;">who you are and what you are becoming</span> as a man. These are important questions. Questions that deserve pause. Questions that demand an answer. I'd like to begin a conversation over the next few weeks. Below is a TED Talk that sparked one of the two conversations referenced above. I encourage you to watch it and consider: Do you see this in our community?<br />
<a href="http://tedxtalks.ted.com/video/Joe-Ehrmann-at-TEDxBaltimore-20" target="_blank">http://tedxtalks.ted.com/video/Joe-Ehrmann-at-TEDxBaltimore-20</a><br />
<br />
As I watched this 14 minute talk, I heard observations that tied masculinity to achievement, wealth, physical strength, attractiveness, and sex. I also heard a plea to change a culture to be focused on relationships and commitment to a cause. A plea to re-connect the heart to the head. What Joe didn't share, but I know to be true, is that the ideal place to do this is in the context of fraternity. I invite you to join me in a 3 week conversation of <span style="color: blue;">Becoming You</span>, spending some directed time looking at who you (individually and organizationally) are and what you are becoming. Is your world what you want it to be? It may feel rocky and stressful, but I promise you will consider a new perspective as we stretch together.<br />
<br />
<span style="color: blue;"><u>Week 1: Is what you are becoming defined by what you are NOT going to be?</u></span><br />
I hear this more often that you might imagine. We live in a world that saturates us with ideas and images. We may not always know what we want to be, but we surely know what we refuse to become. Many years ago I had a girlfriend who shared with me that her upbringing had been filled with instability. Substance use, abusive behaviors, messages of inadequacy were what defined her childhood. This was all shared with me as we were both preparing to have our first child. I was surprised by what she had shared, but shocked at what came next. She told me that she had spent the last several years reading parenting books, researching theories, talking to people who had been parents in order to re-learn those patterns. She knew how she had grown up was not what she wanted for her child. But, instead of just saying, "I won't do XYZ", she filled herself with what she wanted to be. For her, success was found in not simply stopping old traditions, but rather in developing new ways of being. Some of us come to the table with a personal history that needs some sorting out. The challenge is to move beyond the "NOT" to the becoming.<br />
<br />
This is true for our organizations, too. Do we declare, "We will not haze!" but not also share what you <i>will</i> be about? Do you model behavior that communicates what you aspire to? Or, do you just compare yourself to others and see what you never want to become? I often hear the "NOT" talk in fraternity recruitment. As we are approaching Fall recruitment, "What is your organization becoming?" How do you live that out? How do you sell that to others? Consider, reflect, become you.<br />
<br />
Thank you for taking this leap with me.MandyWomackhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08615921496420262235noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8777015006548666397.post-73849739483971457112013-07-03T10:14:00.001-07:002013-07-03T10:44:04.508-07:00Glorified Busy<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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When I was in college, I would often forget to eat lunch. Even to my own ears this sounds ridiculous. But, I would genuinely get so caught up in my day, a meeting, classes that I would find myself grouchy and hungry around 4:30pm waiting anxiously for Sylvia to open the kitchen in our sorority house and provide dinner. In my mind (and probably in actuality) I wasn't really all that "busy", I was focused. If I wasn't home over the noon hour, having a meal wasn't on my radar.<br />
<br />
Little did I know that the "busy" lifestyle would be one I would fight for the rest of my life. Not that I don't enjoy having things to do, or that I mind working hard, but my borderline OCD nature often has me taking on more things than I should. When I saw the image above, I was confronted with my ugly reality. I promote a way of living that glorifies "busy". Crap.<br />
<br />
I have many friends who practice yoga. They use phrases like "setting intentions" (instead of goals). I adore them. I am nothing like them. My "inner zen" is found when I am running a large scale program or finding the perfect solution to a multi-faceted problem. I am loud. I am energized by the complex. I am a planner and I am spiritual, but not in the ways that these friends seem to be. When these friends hear, "I forgot to eat lunch today.", they aren't impressed. Instead, they are worried.<br />
<br />
Some of you are like me. You are an honor student, you are an officer in your fraternity, you work, you have a significant other, you are a daughter... All these things lead to a busy life. You have a lot to do. But, my friends, the busyness is not the problem, it is the glorification. When I watch you from the advising sidelines, I hear you talking about "spending 12 hours on campus". You challenge your friend to respond with something like, "14 for me yesterday". We do not need to make being busy something for others to aspire to. Truly. That spirit of competition will end up cutting years off of our lives.<br />
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I have spent this past week preparing for fall... Transitioning a new staff person (welcome, Jessica), moving furniture for construction, reading, thinking. I decided to work on "setting intentions". Not goal setting and planning for the future. But, instead, focusing on who I am in this moment. Slowing down. Choosing to not be too "busy", and certainly not celebrating it. As we prepare for the upcoming semester, let's slow down. Let's not run so far and so fast that we lose sight of ourselves. When someone asks, "How are you?", fight the urge to respond with "busy". Stop the glorification of busy.MandyWomackhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08615921496420262235noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8777015006548666397.post-56686679241513812272013-06-27T05:27:00.001-07:002013-06-27T05:27:39.098-07:00Service Engine Soon<span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: separate; border-spacing: 0px; font-family: Consolas;"></span><br />
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Qt5O-vappmM/Ucu97473xgI/AAAAAAAAAlQ/EyV6opH7sBY/s1600/IMG_0928.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="149" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Qt5O-vappmM/Ucu97473xgI/AAAAAAAAAlQ/EyV6opH7sBY/s200/IMG_0928.JPG" width="200" /></a>I am writing to you from vacation. When you read this, I will have just returned from 2+ weeks away... It was just what I needed. For you see, just like in my car, I have a Service Engine Soon light that comes on when something isn't quite working the way it is supposed to.</div>
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This Spring began with a different indicator light. I saw it coming, so it was no surprise that I was running low on gas. In January, I made the difficult decision to recommend the policy change that (among other things) ended out of town fraternity formals. (<a href="http://usdgreeklife.blogspot.com/2013/02/why-it-is-right-thing-to-do.html" target="_blank">Policy decision blog post.</a>) I knew that this decision would have a price. And, the cost was great. Fraternity men that I had met with weekly and had established relationships with stopped speaking to me and under-lying tension filled many interactions I had with students. I filled up my tank and was careful with how I used my fuel, but I finished nearly every day with the light on, warning me that I was almost out of gas.</div>
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And then it happened... In April my Service Engine Soon light came on. In the most dreadful of ways, it became clear that things were not working. I received a message from my supervisor letting me know that a petition was being circulated by a fraternity man and was expected to be delivered to the University President and Vice President. The petition, among other things, called for me to be removed from my job. As the situation played itself out, the Division of Student Affairs (that I report to) and Human Resources launched an investigation. Soon, it was not just the light that was on- the engine started making noises. While I knew I had done nothing wrong, there were a few hundred students that felt that I had "limited their growth" and, worse, had turned a student led decision around and blamed me for a culture of fear. (<a href="http://usdgreeklife.blogspot.com/2011/06/operating-from-fear.html" target="_blank">Operating from Fear blog post.</a>) Every interaction I had with a student that was a fraternity or sorority member included some mention of this petition, the process, how they were feeling about it. It seemed that the Check Engine Soon light had become twice as bright.</div>
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As most things do, the situation resolved itself. The University found no merit to the petitions accusations, but I was depleted. Commencement was difficult... As each and every fraternity and sorority student walked by me as a Commencement Marshall, there was a moment where they had to decide if they wanted to acknowledge me. Some who had been silent and distant since January did, but it left me unfulfilled. Summer break came at the perfect time. I have begun to think through what fall may include, and have started the work to repair what caused my Check Engine Soon light to come on. As I consider it all from my vantage point of being on holiday, three things come to mind.</div>
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1. <b>Calling a mentor or someone who has travelled your road is essential.</b> We all need experts. When you car has a problem, you don't just hope it works out, you go to someone with expertise. I had lunch with my Greek Advisor in May. I told him what had happened, he listened and nodded. Then, he said exactly what I needed to hear. I confessed 6 very difficult words, "I don't know what to do." He helped. When your light comes on, find someone who can assist.</div>
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2. <b>Being open to dialogue is how we solve the problems of this world.</b> Think bigger than Greek Life at USD. To live at peace with one another, we must be willing to sit and reason together. Not responding to emails, avoiding my office, un-friending me on Facebook- these are not ways to seek understanding. Even if we disagree in the end, isn't it better to have spent time listening to one another and respecting the difference? I met a student at the end of May who shared with me that he had signed the petition, but had never met me. After our conversation we still disagreed about his concerns, but we respected where each other came from.</div>
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3. <b>Be active. </b>This one pains me the most. Truly. This petition called into question my vocation and my professionalism. It also called into question my employment. Each of these things were hurtful, frightening, and filled me with many emotions. While I do not appreciate the tactics used, I do appreciate the activism that this petition brought about. We often talk in the Student Leadership and Involvement Center about how to teach students to start a revolution, to be activists. While I wish many things to have happened differently, I am proud that people acted when they felt that they needed to. Be active... It is how change comes about.</div>
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I hope that summer is providing each of you the opportunity to find rest.</div>
MandyWomackhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08615921496420262235noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8777015006548666397.post-10474523088157649852013-05-16T11:00:00.002-07:002013-05-16T11:00:32.466-07:00Taking An OathOne week ago I was wrapping up the Undergraduate Interfraternity Institute (UIFI) for Purdue University. There were many "a-ha" moments for me during the week - many in individual conversations, lots in the small group discussions, some in the large group presentations I was leading, and several overheard whispers. One that particularly stood out to me came over Twitter...<br />
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">"No one takes an oath to be average.", </span><span style="color: blue; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">chapter 8. #uifi2013</span></h2>
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We are organizations that invite us to membership with a pledge to be better, to be more. As I consider all that our community has experienced this semester, three things come to mind.<br />
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<u>We want to be great.</u> Truly. I do believe that people show up wanting to be their very best. I don't think that too many people plan their lives thinking - "I'll just phone it in today." We want to be all of the things that we raise our hand during initiation and promise to be: honorable; loving; just; learners; diligent; noble; loyal; inclusive.<br />
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<u>We sometimes forget to follow our plans.</u> Congruence is our biggest challenge. We make these promises and we forget. We forget that we choose to be better. When we hear that "Greeks are sending people to the hospital for alcohol poisoning.", we respond with, "Everyone does that." We should be responding with an affirmation that we promised to be better than average. Our oath, our promise, calls us to be that all of the time. When we fall short, we remind ourself and each other that we have a plan. We have a mission. We have values. We can't forget them. We can't pull them out when they are convenient for us. I remember standing in the dining room of the Theta house during initiation and hearing the President explain what our coat of arms stood for - each part meaning something really important to the experience of being a member of Kappa Alpha Theta. I also remember forgetting to follow those words as I chose to not study enough for a class, as I judged others, as I didn't hold myself in the highest regard.<br />
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<u>Being above average means being it all of the time.</u> Consistency is the key to being more than average. Some days, I don't feel like being great. There have been some things over the past month that have given me pause. Those moments where you wonder, "Why am I caring so much when there is a loud voice that isn't?" As leaders, you will have resistance. You will have moments of joy and pain. You will have temptation to not be consistent. Holding to who you are and what your organization stands for matters - all of the time. Consistency brings us to authentic greatness. When it is easy, and when it is difficult.<br />
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As we wrap up finals this week, I wish you all well. Summer is often a busy time of work, internships, vacation, classes. I hope that it also finds you with a few moments of reflection. The opportunity to think about your oath, the greatness you have been called to, and the ways that you live it out. "No one takes an oath to be average."<br />
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Paz.MandyWomackhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08615921496420262235noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8777015006548666397.post-17214197226553429792013-05-09T18:29:00.000-07:002013-05-09T18:29:13.373-07:00When I Almost Moved to St. Louis
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<br />
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As I sat a gate C28 waiting to board my delayed flight from
Dallas/Fort Worth to San Diego, there was a family with a screaming 1 year old.
There were about 50 of us sitting there and we were listening to a continual
scream. I watched as the parents handed off the baby and then walked to
hallway. I didn’t see <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-LElBYRsSTik/UYxNMnHXl-I/AAAAAAAAAk4/rOG3AEPgHis/s1600/images.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-LElBYRsSTik/UYxNMnHXl-I/AAAAAAAAAk4/rOG3AEPgHis/s1600/images.jpeg" /></a></div>
how far they went, just that the screaming became more
faint for a while. American Airlines customers were already cranky… And, to be
honest, I was also a little cranky. After a week away from home, I was
irritated at the delay and the noise was not helping. Comments started coming
from people, “I hope that baby isn’t on our flight.”, “Why don’t they do
something.”<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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This reminded me of the time we almost moved to St. Louis.
We were flying home from a vacation/volunteer meeting with our then 1 ½ year
old daughter. She screamed the entire flight from Indy to St. Louis. The ENTIRE
time. As our pediatrician’s suggestion we had given her some baby Benadryl to
help her sleep/rest. No dice. Nothing but screaming. We were in the bulkhead
seats (I can picture it exactly!) and got off the plane with her car seat,
bags, etc. I turned to the Reverend and said tearfully, “We are moving to St.
Louis. I CANNOT get back on a plane. We could be happy here.” I was red, sweaty,
tearful, self-conscious and had a headache. People were staring and making
snide comments.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
What do these two horrendous tales have in common? ALL
PEOPLE wanted it to stop? Truth. The message here, though, is how easy it is to
forget what it feels like to be in someone else’s shoes. Doesn’t this happen
all of the time in our community? Here you are dealing with a risk management
problem, in crisis, overwhelmed. Next thing you know, it is a few semesters
later and you are irritated that someone else finds themselves in the same
position. This doesn’t just happen around crisis. It is pretty much a
universal. We easily forget that others may experience the world in the EXACT
same way that we have in the past.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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Our University community has been shaken in the past few
months. It seems to me that this is the time when we should be supporting one
another the most. Remembering those times when we felt alone, stressed,
overwhelmed. A time when we reach out and develop a “me, too” attitude.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And… when the parent came back, baby still screaming, I
caught his eye. He got a nod and a smile. Me, too, sir. Me, too.<o:p></o:p></div>
<!--EndFragment-->MandyWomackhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08615921496420262235noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8777015006548666397.post-60255315306564722222013-05-02T15:15:00.000-07:002013-05-02T15:39:14.876-07:00Self Talk and iPhone GamesLast week I was visiting a friend with whom I often play the obsessive online game of Scramble With Friends. One night as I was checking email, I heard all of this talking. Kids were in bed and it wasn't her voice I heard. "Outstanding, good, good, great" was what I was hearing. Turns out she was playing with her volume turned on. Never one to welcome additional noise, this was a new experience for me. As I play Scramble, it is silent. I stopped and listened for nearly a minute. Affirmations were flying at her left and right. The greatest of which was, "stupendous!"<span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: separate; border-spacing: 0px; font-family: Consolas;"></span><br />
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
What would life be like if we had a little soundtrack that provided us positive feedback. Not a conscience that gave us the yea or nay, but a genuine affirmation reinforcing us, cheering us on. Some of you may be cringing with the thought of false compliments... But that is different than what I am describing. You don't <i>get</i> a "stupendous!", you <i>earn</i> it. What I am really talking about something genuine that could combat for what many of us, myself included, is negative self talk.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Self talk is the inner dialogue we have as we go throughout the day. If an error is made on something we created, what do you say in your mind? Is it, "oh, man, that's a bummer."? Or, is it, "I am so stupid, I always do this."? Very easily we beat ourselves up over the smallest of things. And, that kind of fight and negativity becomes a habit. Without much intentional thought, we are there... Reinforcing this horrible, negative message about your greatest asset- you!<br />
<br />
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-vTE88dwuHpM/UYLlDd1r6WI/AAAAAAAAAkg/oLvAbTlElNQ/s1600/photo.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-vTE88dwuHpM/UYLlDd1r6WI/AAAAAAAAAkg/oLvAbTlElNQ/s200/photo.PNG" width="133" /></a>We live in a world where criticism is doled out face to face, via text, by tweet. Those messages can impact us. Subtly, but ever present, there are messages to us. "You Failed" is one I recently encountered playing a different iPhone game. While, of course, a game doesn't determine if I have failed (or, more significantly, if I consider myself a failure), there is a power in that message. If I have had a trying week where nothing seems to go right, a fraternity member is angry at me, I was impatient with a friend, and make an error on a project I am tasked with completing... What happens in my mind when I consider it all collectively? My self talk can easily shift to, "What is wrong with me? I am a failure at everything I try. I am so dumb to have made that mistake." In those moments, I need my own cheering section telling me that I am good, great, stupendous! While that personal cheering section doesn't often materialize in the form of people, I can choose to work on my self talk. I can choose to be more patient with myself and talk to myself with the grace and mercy that I deserve.<br />
<br />
<br /></div>
MandyWomackhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08615921496420262235noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8777015006548666397.post-9342618829756389162013-04-25T09:04:00.002-07:002013-04-25T09:15:29.865-07:00Do We Really Know?<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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Yesterday I was sitting in seat 25C of an Alaska Airlines
jet mentally preparing for a few days of vacation visiting a dear friend. One
of the flight attendants had caught my attention as I boarded the plane. He
reminded me of someone, but I couldn’t quite place it. </div>
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While my job doesn’t
call for me to travel extensively, I would consider myself to be one that could
go in the “Expert” line at security. I settled into my seat as the plane loaded
and started doing my own thing. The captain’s voice filled the plane and the
talking stopped while he gave his spiel. He handed off to someone else and the safety portion of the program
commenced. I prepared to tune out, but the flight attendant that reminded me of
someone was standing about 10 rows ahead of me. (Side note: The smirky smile
and total disdain for the peasants riding in coach helped me connect which
alumnus he brought to mind – one of my favorites.) I watched as the voice
overhead reviewed the exit doors, the colorful brochure, the inflatable vest,
etc. He had just finished waving his fingers to demonstrate our exit plan when
something happened. The passengers gave up listening. Side chatter began and
the volume grew to a point that I could almost not make out the directions
droning on throughout the cabin. Intrigued by people in general, I watched
my fella standing in the aisle as he finished his demonstration. Smirky smile
in place throughout. He saw me watching and I swear I could see him <o:p></o:p></div>
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-krZfSC5fJ8k/UXlSti6gBRI/AAAAAAAAAkQ/fTieWWpJmPE/s1600/comicasides_2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="150" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-krZfSC5fJ8k/UXlSti6gBRI/AAAAAAAAAkQ/fTieWWpJmPE/s200/comicasides_2.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
mentally
roll his eyes. It was almost as if to say, “Well, the two of us listening will
get out ok.” For, you see, our fellow passengers had checked out and stopped
listening. They thought they knew what was being said: what the plan was in
case of an emergency, what to do, how to do it and so they made assumptions and
a choice to believe that what they “knew” would be applicable in the future.<br />
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Now, I am not an
expert on airline safety. But I am someone who reads about, thinks about and
studies the human condition. More often than not, I find myself in a place like
my fellow passengers. I think I know what’s being communicated so I disengage
and check out. Most of the time it works out for me. (I mean, there are only so
many ways to exit a plane.) But, sometimes it does not. As I sat, watched,
listened two truths came to mind.<o:p></o:p></div>
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First - when you are the giver of information, sometimes the
audience doesn’t want to hear it. Our role is to press through and deliver what
we know to be the important, sometimes life-saving, messages. It is ok to do it
with a smirky smile, but be sure when you do so it is with the confidence that
your message is what those who have entrusted you to lead them need to hear.
Press through, especially if you know that what you are sharing is essential.
Have humor, find joy, but deliver what needs to be shared.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Second – as those being led, we often assume we know what is
being shared. We think we know, but we don’t always. We talk over those leading
us with full confidence that “we’ve got this”. But, what do we miss when we
approach leadership in this way? When we do this, we sometimes miss the real
message. Or, sometimes just as significant, the secondary message. When not in
the moment, we can also reflect that our behavior is not kind or polite. But,
it is the norm. Right? I mean, why do I need to listen to this spiel, I’ve done
this before. Well, maybe… Consider this - for all of the times I have been on an airplane and
heard the safety speech, I have never actually had to exit the plane during a
crash, put on a life vest, open that airplane door in the exit row. I think I
know, but maybe I really don’t.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Happy travels to you all!<o:p></o:p></div>
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<!--EndFragment-->MandyWomackhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08615921496420262235noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8777015006548666397.post-40021914381931079202013-04-18T10:09:00.000-07:002013-04-18T10:09:23.927-07:00Exciting Your SpiritI spent last weekend at a conference for fraternity and sorority members that was put on by an organization committed to leadership and values. When I stop to think about that fact, I am in awe of the reality. During the conference, I was able to lead three different sessions that were driven by the idea of considering things in a different way. When I saw the photo below, it captured my intention.<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-uP9hRsK06-E/UWwpIT1aS4I/AAAAAAAAAj8/OyPSHkcDM8g/s1600/420800_10200977927318774_555003226_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="212" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-uP9hRsK06-E/UWwpIT1aS4I/AAAAAAAAAj8/OyPSHkcDM8g/s320/420800_10200977927318774_555003226_n.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; line-height: 18px; text-align: left;">"Respond to every call that excites your spirit." -Rumi</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
What excites your spirit? What makes you want to work harder so that you can lay a road for others to follow? What makes you want to be more? What makes you pause and consider who you are becoming?<br />
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I want our fraternity and sorority community to be a place where all of those questions are asked. A place where, together, the answers are explored. I want to see us thinking and considering more than this moment. I want us to feel valued, connected, not so alone and isolated. I ventured into the land of Facebook and posed these questions. Below are some excerpts of the responses I received.<br />
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><i>The opportunity to create something that solves a problem or issue excites my spirit most. ... When we solve problems, the solution can become the tool for those behind us to build with. </i></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><i>People who have laid the road before me AND reached back, grabbed my hand and said, "You're coming! And you can do it!"</i></span></li>
<li><span style="color: #333233;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><i>(Knowing) that what I was doing was helping someone else. Even just one person, knowing that what I am doing is even making someone think or reflect - even if they're not putting that into action- that makes me want to keep doing what I am doing. </i></span></span></li>
<li><span style="color: #333233;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><i>Knowing that each hour is a new hour and each day is a new day. Each minute is an opportunity to start over... want to not just be myself, but be the best me that I can possibly be. I want to be a trailblazer. </i></span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><i>I find the most thrilling moments come from doing something new and doing it well.</i></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><i>Knowing that what I do creates a more level playing field, a more just world.</i></span></li>
</ul>
<div>
What I appreciate about these responses is that they are grounded in possibility. They all reflect movement, change, discovery. These are the important things to remember. This is our focus. Not referrals to the Greek Discipline Board, struggles with those not attending things when they are supposed to, not who said what to whom. This is the perspective I choose to have. This is the place that I want us to go. Now, today, and each day thereafter.</div>
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MandyWomackhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08615921496420262235noreply@blogger.com0