Coincidence?

Family Camp Fun, 2011

Do you ever have those moments in your life where you just wonder... How did all of this come together? This week, I am on vacation. Since I knew I was going to be away, I wrote my blog post last week. I arrived up at Family Camp with the "Womack, Party of 4" crew. On the first night, as we were leaving the evening session, this young woman comes up to me. She says, "Hi, Mandy. I know you're not working right now, but I wanted to introduce myself." I, of course, was a bit confused... She then shared that she is a student at USD and just finished her first semester as a sorority woman. What are the chances... Same week, same camp... Coincidence? Or, something bigger. In the strangest turn of events, she is a young woman whose Aunt is a colleague of my husbands... She was on my list of students to contact once classes begin in the Fall.


We have chatted a bit since that first night. Each time we see each other, she has a giant smile. I am so glad to have a new "friend". Coincidence? Or, something bigger?


This has me thinking... How often do we write off coincidence instead of taking advantage of the circumstances? For me, there is a component of faith here, too. Do things just 'happen' or is there a larger plan in place? (But, that is a different post for a different day...) In our organizations and your friendships, there are continually moments of coincidence. How many times do we discover something that is new and fresh to us, but has always been there? When it happens, do you take advantage of the opportunity? Or, do you just smile and move on.

We have hit the mid-point of summer. Some of you haven’t left San Diego/USD, some of you are across the globe. Challenge yourself this week to take advantage of the coincidences in your life. You may just find, that the moment that seemed haphazard could change your life.

Peace.

One Sentence

Fun Fact: I follow multiple blogs. It is a strange hobby of sorts. At current count, there are 71 that I am currently reading via a blog reader app. It started out as following the journey of one family's tragedy. Over time, I have added some professional blogs and some from friends - I even follow one of a USD parent that I don't know, but is really funny. And, of course, most recently I have added two different tumblr blogs. I mean, really, what's not to love about that whole phenomenon.

When it comes down to it, I just really enjoy storytelling. As I read these different posts, I am able to engage with others experiences. I can empathize, I can laugh, I can learn more about difference, and tackle the adaptive work of looking at my world & comparing it to theirs. I feel very fortunate to be a part of so many stories and truly great storytellers.

One of my favorite blogs is called, One Sentence.

"One Sentence is an experiment in brevity. Most of the best stories that we tell from our lives have one really, really good part that make the rest of the boring story worth it.

This is about that one line.

This is about telling the most interesting or poignant story possible in the fewest number of words.

This is about small bite-sized pieces of extraordinary lives and ordinary lives alike... the happy, the sad, the funny, the depressing.

Tell your story."

There is something about the honesty and refreshing clarity that comes from summarizing your story into one sentence. There is a cloud of tags that people can attach to their one sentence. I often find them to be as powerful as the sentence itself. They are a mix of funny and tragic, but each time my blog reader reports a new post I read it first.

I have written several times about being real and authentic with one another. I have tried to educate, lead, coach and model what having vulnerable relationships with one another looks like in the context of fraternity and sorority life. My hearts passion is for each of you to live a life that is fuller, more meaningful and completely genuine. Maybe this idea of "one sentence" to describe us is a way to get there. I have tried and worked at this exercise several times and it is not as easy as I had imagined. I enjoy the detail of life... There is always more than that snapshot moment. 

Here is the closest I have come:

It wasn't until the 5th time that I saw my sorority's initiation ceremony performed before the words really made sense to me.

Can you do it?

MOVE - It Is Time!

Rest is an important part of what we do. During the summer we desire to move as a slower pace. But, this is your time. Stop watching tv or playing video games.

Go. Move. Explore. Be.

MOVE Video

Inspire Yourself. Inspire Each Other.

See you in just a few short weeks!

Social Mores: Insights From My Vacation

I have always been intrigued by social mores. They appeal to my sense of order. I suppose if I am being completely honest, I am intrigued by those that don't seem to live by the same social mores as the rest of us. And, thus, begins my story.

The good doctor and I spent a week in Mexico this month. Just the two of us. Two adults able to fully care for themselves. Excellent. Since the little ladies were staying home, we opted for the travel route that was cheaper and took us from San Diego to Salt Lake City to Mexico City to Cancun. Each of the legs of this trip was filled with what I refer to as "blog inspiration". But, in sticking with the issue of social mores, I found myself drawn to the following people who CLEARLY did not conform to the social norms that many of us live by. Part of me was thankful to not have the kids with us asking "why" these things happened, but maybe kids would have forced these people to reconsider?

• The family of three wearing a variety of tank tops that expressed their messages. I think my personal favorite was the one with a Daschund dog and the phrase, "The Grass Is Greener Under My Weiner". Although, it was a close race with his wife who had the message of, "Cougars Do It Better..."
• The family with a school aged child playing a game on their iPad at full volume.
• The woman sitting in the row behind me on one leg of our journey who starting yelling "F*@k" at me because my seat when leaned back infringed on her space.
• The mother who spoke to her baby in a full volume voice explaining every single noise, movement, etc. throughout the flight.
• The multiple people that chose to take photos with their iPad. Honestly, made me stare each and every time.

So, let's focus in on my friend with the foul mouth. In fairness, she may have felt like this...

However, if she were using her noggin, she would have realized that my seat was exactly as crowded as hers. At what appeared to be about 50 years old, I would have expected more. Instead of kicking the seat and screaming, perhaps some problem solving may have helped her situation. About 40 minutes and three outbursts and confrontations into the 3 hour flight, the good doctor had reached the end of his patience. I think it was the distraction of my body being moved by her kicking the seat more than the profanity - you will have to ask him. He stands his 6'3'' body up in his seat and turns around to address this woman. He uses a calm tone and asks her if she might be happier finding a different seat. He also requests that she stop kicking the seat. He sits back down and smiles at me with a smile that says, "that should have taken care of it." Then, the wailing begins. "IIIIIII caaaaaaan't mooooooove." Over and over again. Next thing I know, there is a flight attendant next to me. She says, "the woman behind you would like me to tell you that she is crowded." I asked her what she was asking me to do, and she smirked with the response, "nothing, I am just telling you as she requested." I asked the flight attendant, with her calm voice and little red beret, to see if she could find this woman somewhere to sit that would make her happier. Done. Problem resolved in about 30 seconds. With dignity and within social customs.

So, what does this mean for you? As fraternity and sorority members do we solve problems within the bounds of social mores? Are you the person kicking the seat and screaming "F*@k" or are you seeking solutions? When you first attempt to fix or better your situation doesn't work, do you continue on? Or, do you sit still and start wailing? Here at USD, we are blessed to have students that are bright. Not just smart in the classroom, but emotionally intelligent. Let's use that emotional intelligence to be mindful of our actions, how we impact others, how others see us and react to us.

Even if you liked the tank top example... Be people that realize that there is a difference in what makes you laugh and what you'd actually wear around. Social mores, people. Social mores. Or, as I saw it described - the fine line between right and rude.

Faster and Greater Capacity

My partner is reading this (horrendous) book on technology. I am not a fan, largely because it is convicting in how much time I spend “connected” rather than with those in front of me. But, that is a different story for a different day. Recently, the following gem from said book was shared with me – as technology is advertised, it is always with the promise to be faster and have greater capacity than what we are currently using.

Interesting. We all live in a world where going faster and doing more is expected. As consumers we demand it. But, what if, I don’t want to go faster? What if I am already working at capacity? What does my life (aside from my smart phone) look like if I am constantly trying to do more, hold more, be more? I graduated from college in 1994. We were right on the cusp of email and the internet. (insert Al Gore quip here!) I made my way through 21 years of my life with a paper calendar and a phone that plugged into a wall. Students will often guffaw at this reality. But, it is true. We met together to solve problems. Those meetings were set up by phone calls. We didn’t move as fast – the capacity to find a quick answer by using Google or searching a website didn’t exist. I had to rely on problem solving, best guesses in decision making and taking risks in a way that is different than how I operate now. As an undergraduate student leader, graduate student and new professional, I felt that I had great capacity. But, in no way was I able to communicate with the speed and frequency that I do now. In the month of May, I sent Liberty 76 emails. In February, 93. The woman works 30 feet from me. Please. Or, as she may say, Stop.

One of my childhood memories involves my Mom stopping by her to see her friends or my grandparents after she finished teaching for the day. There was never a call before showing up at the door – we would just go. No reason, just a moment to “visit” and catch up. I think if a friend showed up at my door without ‘warning’, I would assume something tragic had happened to them. Seriously. Nothing in my world happens without some sort of email or text to set it up. I mean, goodness, even the daughter’s orthodontist emails me to confirm appointments.

As we enter into summer, I suppose I am asking – do we need to be faster and have greater capacity? Or, is it a time the commit to stop, read, think, pray. To consider those we are connected to and call them? Or, visit them? I am leaving the country for 10 days without access to phone or email. We did it last summer for 2 weeks. It took a couple of days to adjust, but it was magnificent. My challenge to you – find a way to move slower and not take on more this season.

Cheers!

End of the Year: Joy & Sadness

If you are a weekly follower, you have noticed that I have been out of pocket this month... What can I say - life got busy and, to be honest, a little overwhelming. The Assistant Director in our office left his position with less notice than anticipated, I made my annual trek out to Indiana to work with the Community at Purdue, we completed a national hiring process, wrapped up the end of the year, graded finals & entered grades for 5 course sections - this list goes on! I will resume weekly (Thursday) publishing in July - with periodic updates between now and then.

Today, as I attended the Student Affairs Award Brunch, I was reminded that I have the privilege to sit in the midst of greatness fairly often. Today, as we celebrated a select few, I was struck by how much these young men and women have accomplished. How much they have given to the University of San Diego. How much my year would have been different without knowing them and working with them. As was shared this morning, Commencement is the beginning. There are many of you that I did not see today that have been a joy to me this past year. I am honored to have known and worked with those that are receiving their degrees from the University of San Diego this weekend. I will miss you, and I cannot wait to see what this new beginning brings for you!

With Love,
Mandy

Making the Enemy Human

An interesting thought was shared with me last weekend. We were talking about the Greek Discipline Board and the challenge that comes when you serve as the resource and the accountability for our community. A fraternity leader who I know, but haven’t worked closely with said, “You know, Mandy, that the 10% of Greek Life that works with you thinks you’re great.” Umm – thanks? Is that like an approval rating?

My family at Easter.

While sad and startling to heard it verbalized, he speaks the truth. It is not uncommon for me to meet women and men in our community and have them look utterly perplexed that I look like a normal, regular human being. No horns, no pitchfork, no black cape of doom. Weird. On occasion, I have the opportunity to win them over with some genuine conversation. And, on rare occasion, I have the opportunity to ask them where they learned the lesson of “who is Mandy Womack?”. Sheepishly they will usually concede that it is just a part of their chapter culture, or new member program. Not a structured lesson kind of way, but an understood principle that: The Enemy=The Administration=Mandy Womack.

Over the course of the past year, I have shared things about my experience, my fears, my family with you on this blog. As a general rule, I live life with my heart on my sleeve and fairly open to relationships with people. I invite you, our Community, into my life. I have included several photos so you can have a little peek into my life. I welcome the chance to become ‘human’ to you. In an attempt to Make The Enemy Human, I would like to share with you about my vocation, my call. For some of you, you are preparing to leave USD. You are searching for your vocation. For others, it is the beginning of your journey. It is my honor to accompany some of you on those journeys.

Vocation and calling are a “full life” affair. The apostle Paul shared in Ephesians 4, "I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you've received." Worthy is a Greek word describing a scale. On one side is your call, on the other is your life... They are to be in balance with one another. The weight of my call requires a genuine life worthy of that call. In leadership we often call it congruence or authenticity. For me, it is my soul.

Finding my passion was something that came to me in a fairly direct way... I was a highly involved, at times to the decline of my academic work, undergraduate. My greatest learning and growth came from my co-curricular experience. I was elected as the President of an organization that oversaw 1500+ members of our sorority community – and I realized something. I realized that I truly believed in what we were doing. Living in a way to make the world better, serving others, caring for each other. Yes! I had hit the jackpot. As this was unfolding, I was volunteering as a tutor at our local elementary school. The more I volunteered, the more I realized that being an elementary education major was not where I wanted to spend the rest of my days. In fact, it got to the point where I realized that I may not want kids of my own if I continued to do this work.

In the midst of this was one of my toughest realities. Earlier this year, I shared with you the story of my friend Katie. Her death, and the community response affirmed my decision to have my vocation be Greek Life. My call was to help others see how much can happen through being a member of a fraternity or sorority. I remember clearly standing in initiation in the kitchen of the Theta house and really hearing the words of our creed, the words of our oath and thinking – “This is it!” So, how did a despairing 2^nd semester Junior resolve the dilemma of realizing I was in the wrong major? Once I determined I wanted to work as a fraternity advisor, I knew I needed to go to graduate school. So, I finished out my degree and immediately began a Master’s in Counseling program.

Over the years my passion and vocation have grown to encompass more. Not a change - as I still really believe that when done right, the fraternal experience is among the most outstanding opportunities. But, my vocation has matured and grown in depth to the development of students. I clearly remember among my first years here, receiving a thank you letter from a chapter president named Dara. According to his letter, I was more to him than an advisor, I was his teacher, his mentor, his rock when managing all I had already experienced.

Each day, I have a chance to really change someone's experience. And, when I am open to those moments, I know that I am doing exactly what God created me to do. It can be exhausting and tiring work. Sometimes, exceedingly repetitive. But, it is life-giving to know that maybe, just maybe I am allowing someone that moment that I had during initiation all those years ago. And, that, my friends brings me back here each and every day.

This weekend, take care of yourself. Take care of each other. Take care of this place. I believe in you.