The Difference of One

Monday was among the saddest moments I have had as a professional. I received a message from Jason (aka work spouse, other half at USD, "dad" to the SLIC) that Chuck Cook had died after a 6 week battle for  recovery from an auto accident. Chuck was involved with the Student Leadership and Involvement Center and was a vibrant voice in my work world for the past 2 years.  I should also mention that I am about an hour outside of Tegucigalpa, Honduras. I am here working. I need to be focused on the students with USD Medical Brigades, yet my heart longs to be home. To be with my community, to care for them, and to grieve with them.

Like all of us, Chuck had a story. His was filled with joy and sorrow, but mostly pride. There is something about the drive to change who you have been that always impresses me. Chuck was never one to sit and maintain the status quo. He interjected, advocated, encouraged and confronted each and every day. All of that challenge was matched with a sharp sense of humor and a personality that allowed him to say out loud what the entire room was thinking. 

While Chuck was not a fraternity man, he was a friend to many of you. As we navigate this loss, there are a few things that come to mind for me, lessons that I can take from the brief time I knew Chuck...

-Don't be afraid to be yourself.

-When something doesn't seem right, have the drive to investigate and fix it.

-Love your friends beyond measure.

-If you are unhappy, make a plan and do something to change it.

-How you present yourself is how people will treat you. (It was not uncommon for fashion advice to be issued.)

-Never hold back laughter.

-Share a part of yourself with others... There is happiness found in community.

I am still filled with a sense of disbelief. How could this really have happened. He was just in the office a few days before the crash talking about the upcoming CPA exam and the hours spent studying. Chuck made an impact on me and many others. He made a difference.

On Friday there will be a celebration of Chuck's life at 5pm on the SLP 3rd floor courtyard. If you are able, please join us. Please know that the Counseling Center is also available to you, as students. www.sandiego.edu/usdcc

30 Days of Encouragement: The Project (Part 1 of 2)

Back in June, I heard a wonderful message on encouragement. Our friend was the guest preacher on a Sunday morning and shared about Barnabas and "The Ministry of Encouragement". One concept that stayed with me was the idea that encouragement isn't about making people feel better, but rather this idea of inspiring people with courage.

What does this look like in regular, everyday life? I started thinking about it and hatched an idea for a 30 day "Encouragement Project". I made a list of 30 men and sent a card of encouragement each day to cheer one of them on, to inspire them. Yes, I sent actual notecards... with a stamp and everything! There were a few days missed, but I caught up. I also followed the list in the exact order that I created it. Interesting when, in hindsight, I saw the impact and timing for some.

I wasn't expecting any responses, but I did hear back from many of the people. Their responses (and mediums of communication) were varied. A few sought me out in person, several sent an email or a text, one even sent a card back to me. It was remarkable how my encouragement to others came back as encouragement to me. Here is a smattering of the responses.

• "Did you have some kind of epiphany over vacation?"
• "I find myself longing for San Diego... The people that I love are there." 
• "I've been needing some encouragement lately (kind of reached an all time low this week)..." 
• "It... made me feel really good."
• "Can't say enough how much it meant to me - timing could not have been better for me to read it."

The wash of appreciation humbled me. Knowing that the words I had provided has given someone the inpiration they needed to believe in themselves. I didn't know that some of these friends were struggling... I just knew that they were great men. Each note began the same way, "Just a quick note of encouragement...", and included a quotation from Max Lucado,

"You are valuable just because you exist.  

Not because of what you do, or what you have done, but simply because you are."

Even though I didn't hear back from every person, I am fairly confident that they all arrived and had some kind of impact. As I reflect on the experience, I realized that around each and every corner was a potential 'moment'. Really, the chance an overflow of joy would expand and then encourage another. The people on my list were from multiple facets of my life: some childhood friends, some current students, some alumni, some colleagues, some interfraternal leaders that I am not terribly close to. People that had mentored me and people that I had mentored. What was remarkable was that even with that variety, I had no hesitation is sitting down to write a note of encouragement. During the entire project, my mind was never blank on what to write.

As I consider that fact, I felt a clear connection to the idea of Brotherhood/Sisterhood. How often do we, as a family, stop to encourage one another? If we really live the core value of Brotherhood/Sisterhood, isn't encouragement to be our very best selves a required component?

Sisterhood/Brotherhood: Within our Greek community, we share a set of common values in which we have instilled a support system to hold each other accountable to the utmost standards, ideals, and a healthy lifestyle.   Being a member of the Greek community, it creates a deeper bond of friendships and a sense of loyalty that provides an individual with a sense of family throughout one's lifetime.

As with any project of this nature, I learned a lot about myself and my priorities. The challenge to be less selfish/self-focused and more open to opportunities to encourage is still one that I am battling. If I live a values-based life, though, how could I not take on a Lifetime of Encouragement?

Coincidence?

Family Camp Fun, 2011

Do you ever have those moments in your life where you just wonder... How did all of this come together? This week, I am on vacation. Since I knew I was going to be away, I wrote my blog post last week. I arrived up at Family Camp with the "Womack, Party of 4" crew. On the first night, as we were leaving the evening session, this young woman comes up to me. She says, "Hi, Mandy. I know you're not working right now, but I wanted to introduce myself." I, of course, was a bit confused... She then shared that she is a student at USD and just finished her first semester as a sorority woman. What are the chances... Same week, same camp... Coincidence? Or, something bigger. In the strangest turn of events, she is a young woman whose Aunt is a colleague of my husbands... She was on my list of students to contact once classes begin in the Fall.


We have chatted a bit since that first night. Each time we see each other, she has a giant smile. I am so glad to have a new "friend". Coincidence? Or, something bigger?


This has me thinking... How often do we write off coincidence instead of taking advantage of the circumstances? For me, there is a component of faith here, too. Do things just 'happen' or is there a larger plan in place? (But, that is a different post for a different day...) In our organizations and your friendships, there are continually moments of coincidence. How many times do we discover something that is new and fresh to us, but has always been there? When it happens, do you take advantage of the opportunity? Or, do you just smile and move on.

We have hit the mid-point of summer. Some of you haven’t left San Diego/USD, some of you are across the globe. Challenge yourself this week to take advantage of the coincidences in your life. You may just find, that the moment that seemed haphazard could change your life.

Peace.

One Sentence

Fun Fact: I follow multiple blogs. It is a strange hobby of sorts. At current count, there are 71 that I am currently reading via a blog reader app. It started out as following the journey of one family's tragedy. Over time, I have added some professional blogs and some from friends - I even follow one of a USD parent that I don't know, but is really funny. And, of course, most recently I have added two different tumblr blogs. I mean, really, what's not to love about that whole phenomenon.

When it comes down to it, I just really enjoy storytelling. As I read these different posts, I am able to engage with others experiences. I can empathize, I can laugh, I can learn more about difference, and tackle the adaptive work of looking at my world & comparing it to theirs. I feel very fortunate to be a part of so many stories and truly great storytellers.

One of my favorite blogs is called, One Sentence.

"One Sentence is an experiment in brevity. Most of the best stories that we tell from our lives have one really, really good part that make the rest of the boring story worth it.

This is about that one line.

This is about telling the most interesting or poignant story possible in the fewest number of words.

This is about small bite-sized pieces of extraordinary lives and ordinary lives alike... the happy, the sad, the funny, the depressing.

Tell your story."

There is something about the honesty and refreshing clarity that comes from summarizing your story into one sentence. There is a cloud of tags that people can attach to their one sentence. I often find them to be as powerful as the sentence itself. They are a mix of funny and tragic, but each time my blog reader reports a new post I read it first.

I have written several times about being real and authentic with one another. I have tried to educate, lead, coach and model what having vulnerable relationships with one another looks like in the context of fraternity and sorority life. My hearts passion is for each of you to live a life that is fuller, more meaningful and completely genuine. Maybe this idea of "one sentence" to describe us is a way to get there. I have tried and worked at this exercise several times and it is not as easy as I had imagined. I enjoy the detail of life... There is always more than that snapshot moment. 

Here is the closest I have come:

It wasn't until the 5th time that I saw my sorority's initiation ceremony performed before the words really made sense to me.

Can you do it?

MOVE - It Is Time!

Rest is an important part of what we do. During the summer we desire to move as a slower pace. But, this is your time. Stop watching tv or playing video games.

Go. Move. Explore. Be.

MOVE Video

Inspire Yourself. Inspire Each Other.

See you in just a few short weeks!

Social Mores: Insights From My Vacation

I have always been intrigued by social mores. They appeal to my sense of order. I suppose if I am being completely honest, I am intrigued by those that don't seem to live by the same social mores as the rest of us. And, thus, begins my story.

The good doctor and I spent a week in Mexico this month. Just the two of us. Two adults able to fully care for themselves. Excellent. Since the little ladies were staying home, we opted for the travel route that was cheaper and took us from San Diego to Salt Lake City to Mexico City to Cancun. Each of the legs of this trip was filled with what I refer to as "blog inspiration". But, in sticking with the issue of social mores, I found myself drawn to the following people who CLEARLY did not conform to the social norms that many of us live by. Part of me was thankful to not have the kids with us asking "why" these things happened, but maybe kids would have forced these people to reconsider?

• The family of three wearing a variety of tank tops that expressed their messages. I think my personal favorite was the one with a Daschund dog and the phrase, "The Grass Is Greener Under My Weiner". Although, it was a close race with his wife who had the message of, "Cougars Do It Better..."
• The family with a school aged child playing a game on their iPad at full volume.
• The woman sitting in the row behind me on one leg of our journey who starting yelling "F*@k" at me because my seat when leaned back infringed on her space.
• The mother who spoke to her baby in a full volume voice explaining every single noise, movement, etc. throughout the flight.
• The multiple people that chose to take photos with their iPad. Honestly, made me stare each and every time.

So, let's focus in on my friend with the foul mouth. In fairness, she may have felt like this...

However, if she were using her noggin, she would have realized that my seat was exactly as crowded as hers. At what appeared to be about 50 years old, I would have expected more. Instead of kicking the seat and screaming, perhaps some problem solving may have helped her situation. About 40 minutes and three outbursts and confrontations into the 3 hour flight, the good doctor had reached the end of his patience. I think it was the distraction of my body being moved by her kicking the seat more than the profanity - you will have to ask him. He stands his 6'3'' body up in his seat and turns around to address this woman. He uses a calm tone and asks her if she might be happier finding a different seat. He also requests that she stop kicking the seat. He sits back down and smiles at me with a smile that says, "that should have taken care of it." Then, the wailing begins. "IIIIIII caaaaaaan't mooooooove." Over and over again. Next thing I know, there is a flight attendant next to me. She says, "the woman behind you would like me to tell you that she is crowded." I asked her what she was asking me to do, and she smirked with the response, "nothing, I am just telling you as she requested." I asked the flight attendant, with her calm voice and little red beret, to see if she could find this woman somewhere to sit that would make her happier. Done. Problem resolved in about 30 seconds. With dignity and within social customs.

So, what does this mean for you? As fraternity and sorority members do we solve problems within the bounds of social mores? Are you the person kicking the seat and screaming "F*@k" or are you seeking solutions? When you first attempt to fix or better your situation doesn't work, do you continue on? Or, do you sit still and start wailing? Here at USD, we are blessed to have students that are bright. Not just smart in the classroom, but emotionally intelligent. Let's use that emotional intelligence to be mindful of our actions, how we impact others, how others see us and react to us.

Even if you liked the tank top example... Be people that realize that there is a difference in what makes you laugh and what you'd actually wear around. Social mores, people. Social mores. Or, as I saw it described - the fine line between right and rude.

Faster and Greater Capacity

My partner is reading this (horrendous) book on technology. I am not a fan, largely because it is convicting in how much time I spend “connected” rather than with those in front of me. But, that is a different story for a different day. Recently, the following gem from said book was shared with me – as technology is advertised, it is always with the promise to be faster and have greater capacity than what we are currently using.

Interesting. We all live in a world where going faster and doing more is expected. As consumers we demand it. But, what if, I don’t want to go faster? What if I am already working at capacity? What does my life (aside from my smart phone) look like if I am constantly trying to do more, hold more, be more? I graduated from college in 1994. We were right on the cusp of email and the internet. (insert Al Gore quip here!) I made my way through 21 years of my life with a paper calendar and a phone that plugged into a wall. Students will often guffaw at this reality. But, it is true. We met together to solve problems. Those meetings were set up by phone calls. We didn’t move as fast – the capacity to find a quick answer by using Google or searching a website didn’t exist. I had to rely on problem solving, best guesses in decision making and taking risks in a way that is different than how I operate now. As an undergraduate student leader, graduate student and new professional, I felt that I had great capacity. But, in no way was I able to communicate with the speed and frequency that I do now. In the month of May, I sent Liberty 76 emails. In February, 93. The woman works 30 feet from me. Please. Or, as she may say, Stop.

One of my childhood memories involves my Mom stopping by her to see her friends or my grandparents after she finished teaching for the day. There was never a call before showing up at the door – we would just go. No reason, just a moment to “visit” and catch up. I think if a friend showed up at my door without ‘warning’, I would assume something tragic had happened to them. Seriously. Nothing in my world happens without some sort of email or text to set it up. I mean, goodness, even the daughter’s orthodontist emails me to confirm appointments.

As we enter into summer, I suppose I am asking – do we need to be faster and have greater capacity? Or, is it a time the commit to stop, read, think, pray. To consider those we are connected to and call them? Or, visit them? I am leaving the country for 10 days without access to phone or email. We did it last summer for 2 weeks. It took a couple of days to adjust, but it was magnificent. My challenge to you – find a way to move slower and not take on more this season.

Cheers!