End of the Year: Joy & Sadness

If you are a weekly follower, you have noticed that I have been out of pocket this month... What can I say - life got busy and, to be honest, a little overwhelming. The Assistant Director in our office left his position with less notice than anticipated, I made my annual trek out to Indiana to work with the Community at Purdue, we completed a national hiring process, wrapped up the end of the year, graded finals & entered grades for 5 course sections - this list goes on! I will resume weekly (Thursday) publishing in July - with periodic updates between now and then.

Today, as I attended the Student Affairs Award Brunch, I was reminded that I have the privilege to sit in the midst of greatness fairly often. Today, as we celebrated a select few, I was struck by how much these young men and women have accomplished. How much they have given to the University of San Diego. How much my year would have been different without knowing them and working with them. As was shared this morning, Commencement is the beginning. There are many of you that I did not see today that have been a joy to me this past year. I am honored to have known and worked with those that are receiving their degrees from the University of San Diego this weekend. I will miss you, and I cannot wait to see what this new beginning brings for you!

With Love,
Mandy

Making the Enemy Human

An interesting thought was shared with me last weekend. We were talking about the Greek Discipline Board and the challenge that comes when you serve as the resource and the accountability for our community. A fraternity leader who I know, but haven’t worked closely with said, “You know, Mandy, that the 10% of Greek Life that works with you thinks you’re great.” Umm – thanks? Is that like an approval rating?

My family at Easter.

While sad and startling to heard it verbalized, he speaks the truth. It is not uncommon for me to meet women and men in our community and have them look utterly perplexed that I look like a normal, regular human being. No horns, no pitchfork, no black cape of doom. Weird. On occasion, I have the opportunity to win them over with some genuine conversation. And, on rare occasion, I have the opportunity to ask them where they learned the lesson of “who is Mandy Womack?”. Sheepishly they will usually concede that it is just a part of their chapter culture, or new member program. Not a structured lesson kind of way, but an understood principle that: The Enemy=The Administration=Mandy Womack.

Over the course of the past year, I have shared things about my experience, my fears, my family with you on this blog. As a general rule, I live life with my heart on my sleeve and fairly open to relationships with people. I invite you, our Community, into my life. I have included several photos so you can have a little peek into my life. I welcome the chance to become ‘human’ to you. In an attempt to Make The Enemy Human, I would like to share with you about my vocation, my call. For some of you, you are preparing to leave USD. You are searching for your vocation. For others, it is the beginning of your journey. It is my honor to accompany some of you on those journeys.

Vocation and calling are a “full life” affair. The apostle Paul shared in Ephesians 4, "I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you've received." Worthy is a Greek word describing a scale. On one side is your call, on the other is your life... They are to be in balance with one another. The weight of my call requires a genuine life worthy of that call. In leadership we often call it congruence or authenticity. For me, it is my soul.

Finding my passion was something that came to me in a fairly direct way... I was a highly involved, at times to the decline of my academic work, undergraduate. My greatest learning and growth came from my co-curricular experience. I was elected as the President of an organization that oversaw 1500+ members of our sorority community – and I realized something. I realized that I truly believed in what we were doing. Living in a way to make the world better, serving others, caring for each other. Yes! I had hit the jackpot. As this was unfolding, I was volunteering as a tutor at our local elementary school. The more I volunteered, the more I realized that being an elementary education major was not where I wanted to spend the rest of my days. In fact, it got to the point where I realized that I may not want kids of my own if I continued to do this work.

In the midst of this was one of my toughest realities. Earlier this year, I shared with you the story of my friend Katie. Her death, and the community response affirmed my decision to have my vocation be Greek Life. My call was to help others see how much can happen through being a member of a fraternity or sorority. I remember clearly standing in initiation in the kitchen of the Theta house and really hearing the words of our creed, the words of our oath and thinking – “This is it!” So, how did a despairing 2^nd semester Junior resolve the dilemma of realizing I was in the wrong major? Once I determined I wanted to work as a fraternity advisor, I knew I needed to go to graduate school. So, I finished out my degree and immediately began a Master’s in Counseling program.

Over the years my passion and vocation have grown to encompass more. Not a change - as I still really believe that when done right, the fraternal experience is among the most outstanding opportunities. But, my vocation has matured and grown in depth to the development of students. I clearly remember among my first years here, receiving a thank you letter from a chapter president named Dara. According to his letter, I was more to him than an advisor, I was his teacher, his mentor, his rock when managing all I had already experienced.

Each day, I have a chance to really change someone's experience. And, when I am open to those moments, I know that I am doing exactly what God created me to do. It can be exhausting and tiring work. Sometimes, exceedingly repetitive. But, it is life-giving to know that maybe, just maybe I am allowing someone that moment that I had during initiation all those years ago. And, that, my friends brings me back here each and every day.

This weekend, take care of yourself. Take care of each other. Take care of this place. I believe in you.

Redefining Excellence

What does it mean to be "Excellent"? Last week as I sat in a community-wide meeting (designed to discuss feedback on See Action, Take Action yet diverted to the conversation about the IFC and Panhellenic President's thoughts on the Zero Tolerance Policy), I considered this very question. Such passion and conviction was in that meeting - from multiple perspectives. Once again I found myself back at the core of excellence... The drive to be there. I received the piece below from one of our Graduate Assistants in the Student Leadership and Involvement Center, Taylor Shramo. The primary focus of Taylor's job this year has been investing in one of our fraternities as an advisor. Pouring in resources, energy, vision, support - all with a desired outcome of Excellence. Enjoy a perspective from a first year law student and alumnus of USD. Cheers!

I would like to start this by saying that I speak from the fraternity point of view, considering that is all I have really had first-hand experience with…

Merriam Webster’s Dictionary defines excellence as “the quality of being very good of its kind or eminently good.”  I spent most of my undergraduate fraternity experience striving for excellence, both from myself and for my organization.  Looking back, I wouldn’t have it any other way.  But after an evening witnessing the Beta Toast for the first time as an alumnus, something clicked.

Who we are is not defined by what we do.  And when I look back on the achievements of my fraternity, I know that we were excellent not because of the awards and achievements, but because of who we were.  We didn’t strive to do all those community service hours for a requirement, we didn’t achieve the highest GPA for the last 6 out of 7 semesters for recognition.  Hell, we didn’t even act the way we did to win the Dean’s Trophy.  The most we ever did directly towards winning an award was filling out the application.  But this conversation on excellence isn’t about bragging about my fraternity’s accomplishments.

I mention my experiences in fraternity life because it seems like so many organizations and individuals are lost in the Greek community today.  Although “social” in nature, what is a fraternity (or sorority)?  It is a collective of individuals with similar outlooks and aspirations who gather around common fundamentals with a desire to gain brotherhood (or sisterhood), better themselves intellectually and as people, and to gain a unique social experience to augment their collegiate lives.  That is what a Greek organization is all about.  So when you ask someone, what does it mean for a fraternity to be excellent, to be the best?  Sadly the answer (at least at USD) revolves tightly around who throws the best social events and formal.  Who are the people you want to party with? Who has the hottest members?  It is no longer, who are the best individuals, and in regards to the fraternities, who are the most gentlemanly?

Call me old fashioned, but I could care less about the guy who can beer bong 4 beers in under 6 seconds; I am much more concerned with the individual who acts as a gentlemen and strives to achieve the best in himself and those around him. So when squabbles arise over where formal is going to be this semester or whether or not it is going to get canceled because of a zero-tolerance policy, it saddens me to see that the majority of Greek Life only cares about how hard they can rage and how much they can get away with.  Committing 75% of our total budget to social events is how things should be, right? I have no authority to say that group is wrong, but it makes me question.  When a high majority of your money is going to social events and you have more guys in a committee to plan your formal versus how many there are to educate your pledges, or recruit, or take care of finances, what are the priorities?

What kind of motivation is it to join a Greek organization just to drink, party, and go to social events?  That seems like a lot of wasted money considering you can do all those things as an unaffiliated member. I mean the last time I checked, going to Vegas wasn’t limited only to fraternity formals.  On top of that, if you are unaffiliated, you don’t have to worry about the pesky “administration” ruining all your fun with their alleged overbearing and stringent requirements.

I ask all these questions in an effort to better understand why.  People become so up in arms about trivial components of their lifestyles when they should be more concerned with why they make the decisions they make.  Why do we strive to better ourselves?  Why do we desire the bonds associated with these organizations?  Why do we care so much about partying?  What about being in Greek life is really important to me? Why did I join? I believe that when we think about these questions, we might find an answer to the question, “what does it mean to be excellent?”

“Excellence” is a subjective idea.  What may be considered a level of excellence will vary in both subject and degree.  One chapter’s idea of excellence may be raising the most money for their philanthropy, to some holding the best social events, or to others having the best brotherhood (sisterhood).  But at the end of the day, excellence is a combination of all of these.  To be excellent, to be the best, is a culmination of all the different facets of collegiate and Greek life.  This is what was eye opening, it was something I preached and strived for but looking at it now from the outside has illuminated this concept.

Now, in a time when tensions are raised and the bar has been set high, we turn towards finding a way through it.  Aside from really looking into who we are as individuals, members of Greek organizations, and members of a whole Greek community, the answer to finishing out this semester strong and successful comes down to this, how can we exhibit ourselves in a manner worthy of being called, “excellent?”  By holding ourselves and others to a level of excellence, we will continue to push on and grow as strong individuals, organizations, and a community.  

Because at the end of the day, it’s us and those around us that make the difference.

Values Congruence

I heard the most amazing story last week. A student that I have worked with was down at the beach. (That really narrows down who it could be, right? Haha!) She was walking with her friends and she saw a woman who was by herself and struggling. She'd had too much to drink, didn't know her address and had been separated from her friends. The woman was face down on the sidewalk - and about 10 people had just walked by or walked around her. This student stopped and helped. Even when her friends moved on, she stayed. Even when she had to call 911, she waited. Why? Because it was the right thing to do.

This life is a test. What do we believe in? Are we willing to act? Are we willing to not be bystanders? All of the work, time, resources that have been put into See Action, Take Action/The Dan Plan are dedicated this this exact line of thought. How do we not sit by and just watch things that we should address? This is a life-long challenge. The need to intervene does not go away after your four years at USD.

Over the course of the next few weeks, our students will be making some decisions about the programming direction and future of our community. We will be grappling with the real question of, "How do we get others to engage in personal responsibility?" We have some work to do... But, we also have some successes we can measure. In the evaluation of SATA, we asked the question, "Why is values congruence important?" Please review these answers for some really insightful comments. Well, and some simply ridiculous ones, too! (You're welcome!)

Why is values congruence important?

• "If we do not know what we believe in, then we cannot act accordingly. Our values determine the actions we will make. They help us know how we want to be seen by the public and our peers."
• "Values congruences relates to leadership, the type of person you are, and how others see you. It is important for your values and actions to be congruent in order to be authentic and lead by example."
• "IDK what this is. sorry. We all need the same values to uphold the same level of standards?"
• "It unites us all and it makes everything we say carry so much more weight."
• "You live by what you think is important, therefore not only thinking good, but also doing good."

We keep fighting the good fight because of people like one in my opening story. Sometimes, it does make a difference.

A USD 4 Everyone

So, we made the news some up on the hill this week. USD's PRIDE organization held the first drag show in school history. There was much discussion, debate, discourse, support, and protest for this event... But, that's a different post for a different week. From this event, a movement called AUSD4Everyone emerged. www.facebook.com/AUSD4Everyone


Stop and think about this for a moment... AUSD4Everyone. Everyone? What does this mean for us in Greek Life? Over the past semester, I have written about the need for a sense of connection, a sense of belonging, the need to recognize the privilege and power we have to create a community that is a place for everyone. This movement is about far more than a drag show. It is about being people that can love and accept each other - even when we disagree. It is about living out true brotherhood and sisterhood. The kind of relationships that say, "Come as you are... No pretense needed."


I believe this sentiment. I work hard to live this sentiment. I encourage others to be open to others. So why is it sometimes so easy to live a life that is more AUSD4EveryoneLikeMe? I was on Twitter the other day and saw several postings from a person in one of the trends I follow. When I clicked on the information profile, here is what came up as their bio: "USD is my life, I may be a bitch but thats only because I can be."


Several things immediately came to mind that I wanted to direct message this person... "Hi, you are not a nice person." or "Hello, you are toxic. Please stop." or "Greetings, USD does not need your kind of attitude." I know, I know... AUSD4Everyone, right? Right! Not just people who think like me, act like me, believe like me. The differences are what makes us beautiful. The differences are what make us stronger. I don't like that this person puts a message out there that she basically doesn't care how she treats people/is perceived. But, that's her place to live that way. I don't have to be her friend, and I don't have to agree. But, if I truly believe in AUSD4Everyone, don't I have to let her be? She may not like that I am a Christian that believes in caring for others as a primary value. USD, our place that we call home, is not just for those that think like us. It is a place of learning, a place of discourse, a place of growth. When we disagree, it does not always mean that one is right and the other is wrong. Stop. Consider that one further... When we disagree, it does not always mean that one is right and the other is wrong.


So, while you may or may not agree with the decisions made around USD's drag show, can we all agree that USD, our community, should be a place for everyone?


It is what I work for. Every single day.

Business Casual 101

Many years ago, we had a program at USD entitled: "Does Your Momma Know You're Wearing That?" It was all about what we communicate to the world by how we dress. Last semester I was sitting in a meeting and two students began an exchange about how they were in SLP Dining on a Monday and they thought the train to Las Vegas was leaving. Ooops. This week I have invited a guest author to share some insights from an undergraduate perspective on Business Casual for 2012. While the source can remain anonymous, the sentiments are shared by many. Enjoy!

“What is Business Casual?”

It seems that the answer to this question depends on the person you are talking to. I admit, this question is a difficult one to answer, I mean, there isn’t even a clear definition of “Business Casual” in the infamous Vanderbilt book of etiquette. But, regardless of that, there are a few things that just don’t fly in the realm of this attire.

If we break it down, we know that business attire is composed of slacks, blazers, suit combinations, blouses, etc. We know casual attire to be something that is dressed down and usually comfortable for daily activity. Putting these two together, I am envisioning what we would consider formal business-wear, just a step down. But as I look around the University Center on Monday nights (when most sorority chapters have chapter meeting), I see most women dressing far from this standard.

First, let’s talk about what I call the “San Diego Business Casual.” Many tend to think that a sundress with a cardigan thrown over is somehow transformed into business casual-wear. At the end of the day, however, I don’t think your place of employment would consider this acceptable for the office.

A second combination of what women think is appropriate business casual attire is what I call “Vegas Business Casual.” What I mean by this is tiny dresses with blazers over them, or tight skirts with tights or flats. BREAKING NEWS – something you would wear in Vegas is NEVER appropriate business-wear, even if you try. I’m not sure why women even wear some of this stuff to chapter meeting anyway; you are #1 – sitting (all sorts of body parts can pop out), and #2 - in a room full of women (who are you trying to impress?). I just don’t quite understand why most women think some of these clothing choices are appropriate, basically ever.

A third and final definition of business casual that I see often is what I call, “Lazy Business Casual,” and I admit, I have fallen into this category on a few occasions. For me, this usually happens when I have a long day at school and I rush to meeting after class and I just don’t feel like changing into business attire. What’s the best solution then? Just wear something to school that can cheat the system – it looks business, but it is really just casual. The best examples of this: black jeans, jeggings, fashion forward skirts and dresses, etc. At the end of the day, these clothing choices just aren’t business casual, and we know it, however they are convenient.

Finally a note on shoes: The new trend in heels and pumps is the large platform, and as fun as these shoes are, some of them don’t make the cut when it comes to business casual. If you would wear them out to the club or to a chapter formal – they probably aren’t meant for chapter meeting. Furthermore, most of us know not to commit this business casual crime, but I just have to say it, sandals are a no-no, even if they have a heel strap.

It seems that business casual attire is pretty limited in terms of one’s wardrobe, but this doesn’t mean you must go out and buy all of J. Crew in order to create business casual possibilities. You may need to purchase a high-wasted, business-type skirt, or a pair of slacks, but many of the clothes in your closet can be business casual, as long as you put them together appropriately. On that note, consider any of the appropriate purchases you make to be “wardrobe enhancers.” Especially as you come closer to the real world, these items of clothing will be forever useful for interviews, jobs, and presentations. The requirement of business casual at chapter meeting truly does prepare you for life beyond college.

What to wear (in no particular combination):

What not to wear (as cute as some of these are):

You Are Enough - Focus On Living It Out: Part 3

For this week, I have invited Fred Myrtle (class of 2011), Leadership Consultant for Beta Theta Pi, to author our final post on the subject of You Are Enough. Fred travels in the Southwest Region visiting chapters and coaching them on how to be the best men they can be through their experience in Beta. He also joined us in 2012 as a co-facilitator at the Ultimate Greek Adventure. Enjoy this message from one of our own. -Mandy

My mother always used to say, “Procrastination is the thief of time.” Looking back at my undergraduate career, I would definitely agree. I spent countless hours staying up all night writing papers and studying for tests. By the time I was a senior, I was engrained to study the night before a test or to start a paper a few days before it was due. I grew confident in my ability to procrastinate, plus it let me do all of the other things in my life (fraternity, work, social life, etc.)

Despite this “confidence” I never really liked my work. I always thought: “I would be a better student if I had more time to study” or “I could have gotten a higher GPA if I tried harder.” Having developed a tendency to procrastinate during my undergraduate years, I have begun to see it negatively affect my current role as a leadership consultant.

Having read Mandy’s previous blog posts and really enjoying Brené Brown’s talk on shame and vulnerability (I even bought her book to further explore them) I wanted to spend my time focusing on something concrete, something that I could “fix” in a short amount of time. I bought the book Procrastination written by Jane Burka, PhD and Lenora Yuen, PhD on Amazon because it had the highest reviews and was about, you guessed it…. Procrastination. I was on page two when I realized this wasn’t going to be a quick fix. It took me until page 20 to realize that what Mandy had blogged about last week was in every single way relevant to my problem with procrastination.

To quickly summarize the first part of the book, we have to know ourselves and understand why we procrastinate before we can begin to address it. The authors break procrastination into four categories:

1. Fear of Failure: The Procrastinator on Trial
2. Fear of Success: Hello Procrastination, Good-bye Success
3. The Procrastinator in Combat: Fear of Losing the Battle
4. The Comfort Zone: Fear of Separation and Fear of Intimacy

For me, fear of failure is what really makes me procrastinate. I suffer from perfectionism: I want everything to be perfect, if it is not perfect then people will judge me, and then I’ll be a failure. Here is a simple equation of the predicament:

Self-worth = Ability = Performance

In order to protect myself from failing/ not being perfect, I procrastinate:

Self-worth = Ability –(Procrastination) – Performance

By purposefully procrastinating I was giving myself a safety net in case any of my work was not perfect. This brings us back to my previous comments, “I would be a better student if I had more time to study” or “I could have gotten a higher GPA if I tried harder.” I was sabotaging myself because I was deathly afraid of being judged, of not being perfect. If I tried my hardest and still fell short I would be a failure, no matter how trivial the task.

This brings us back to the previous blog posts. In order to stop procrastinating, I have to know that I am enough; that the work that I produce is not a direct reflection of who I am as a person. I have to have courage to get my work completed and know that if it’s judged, either good or bad, I will be okay.

Procrastination is exceedingly complex and there are many aspects that contribute to it. Beating procrastination is a constant work in progress. The individual has to become mindful of his or her actions in order to overcome it.

If you struggle with procrastination and it causes you stress and or anxiety in your life, I highly recommend this book. It offers great insight and poses a lot of great questions. It should also be known that I am still working through my procrastination, I was asked to guest write over 2 weeks ago and I completed this the night before it was due. It’s a work in progress…. =)