The process of Becoming You involves an increased awareness of the world around you. Last fall, the Student Leadership and Involvement Center staff took on the read, Unhooked. Each week we gathered to discuss the book, but also to discuss what we were seeing around us. It was no real surprise to identify that the "hook up culture" is alive and well. As organizations, we are a part of this culture. More than the "hook up culture", though, was the thoughtful discussion that much of our community lives in a way that is unhooked.
Being unhooked is more than hooking up. According to this author, it is the ability to disengage and walk away from close, intimate relationships with no effect. In her interviews with students she heard what I often hear from you. I hear the need to be desired and the need to feel close to someone. These things, when coupled with an emotional distance create a sense of "disposable intimacy".
This brings me to the question for this week...
2. Is who you are becoming hindered by your participation in this culture? As you Become You, are you unhooked?
Interesting to me was that one indicator of being unhooked was the inability to articulate what 'hooking up' means. Maybe think on that some. One of her most powerful stories is of the internal desire to have something temporary mean something more significant. We all have a need inside of us to feel connected and have a sense of intimacy with others. Many today meet that need by hooking up. Since the mental approach is, "this doesn't mean anything", the mind tries to stay there. As you are becoming you, you may discover that it, "(sex) always has meaning, even when it is meaningless." (pp 283) I see too many of you seeking more, but not finding it. And, according to this author, it isn't about less sex, it is about more love.
As you seek this process of Becoming You, I encourage you to consider it all from a new lens. Consider the role alcohol plays in your relationships? Does drinking numb you to feel ok about being unhooked? Is there an overlap of hook up partners among your friends? Is this who you are? Is this who you want to be?
You are worthy of more.