Tuesday, April 8, 2014

Why Me?

In my role at the University, I have had many opportunities to meet with, advise, mentor, and know students. Each of these descriptors is different. I would almost say that they build upon one another as relationships emerge between students and staff. To me, the most rewarding are the ones that make it to the end of the line. Those are the students that I keep up with beyond graduation. The ones that I enjoy watching experience life via Facebook and, often, in person for visits during Homecoming. There are many students that I can remember snapshot moments with - moments that were important and meaningful. Moments of meeting with outstanding people, advising them on powerful programs, and mentoring them toward leading change. I would not trade those moments away, as they define my vocation. Sometimes those moments are stand alone experiences, but sometimes they are a part of being known.

I was having coffee with an alum recently and this topic came up. The question that they posed was, "why me?" Meaning, why did I choose to "know" them? Why did I choose to go beyond meeting, advising, and mentoring? The question completely caught me off guard. I stumbled my way through the answer in the moment, but have given it serious thought since that time. Why does a deeper connection happen in some relationships and not in others? You know what I mean, right? This is somewhat of a universal truth. Some people you just like more than others. This explains why people don't all have the same best friend. There are preferences and personalities at play. But, to me, this is different. This is about investment in someone, this is about caring for others intentionally. What I realized was that the question was framed incorrectly. This wasn't about me choosing someone. My answer is this - "Why you?" Because you let me.

When I sat with you in my office, at that retreat, on the couches inside TĂș Mercado, you let me see a part of you that is sometimes hidden. You cracked open the door to your depths and invited me in. Sometimes it was just a peek inside. Sometimes it was an invitation to see it all. In each of those
moments, you made a choice. You let me see the real you. The highest of joys, the angst of frustration, the disappointment in circumstances. It was remarkable. It was an honor. It was a privilege to be able to know you.

That is hard to walk away from. So, I feel an affinity for you and a care for your future. An investment to see you become the best partner, employee, parent, friend, supervisor that you can be. This continues after you leave, because when you crack open that door, you have changed me, too. It is my earnest hope that you, too, will experience the gift of knowing others.

One year I had someone that I met with weekly, who was trying to decide if they wanted to be known, ask me, "How do you get people to tell you things?" I laughed a little and shared that it was pretty easy. Most of the time, people are desperate to tell someone about their experience. Being willing to slow down enough to ask the question and genuinely want to know the answer is usually all that it takes.

When my partner and I had our daughter, we made a commitment to do everything in our power to raise her to be aware of others. To see those around here and be engaged with them. From little things, like holding the door for someone, all the way to the largest social issues. Unknowingly, this has moved into my work, too. I hope the same for you. This is community. This is fraternity and sorority. This is brotherhood and sisterhood. This is us.

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